WOW…have been talking about it, but now that it’s time to move, I am hit with sudden feelings of nostalgia.

This is the last serving of “kappuccino” here on the site.  But it’s not bad…we’ve just outgrown this little house and have to move.

Or, more honestly, I’ve grown into my own and have realized that the world will be better served if I am true to the purpose for which I was created.

It’s a Party…Kinda!

With the feelings of all the memories created here acknowledged, I’d like to invite you all to a wonderful cyber housewarming party at our new home.  I’ve kept the URL under wraps till now, but want to extend the official invitation to you to check it out.

I’m  not migrating all of the KK Blog content, so I don’t have a lot of content built up there yet, but you will be able to snoop around and get a feel for the new place.

It’s got a total new makeover…and the theme I’m using on the site allows me to be a bit more flexible in the variety of content I provide to you.

So, I’ll be posting my articles and insights as well as pictures, videos, audios/podcasts and other forms of content.

What You Need to Know…

The site is True Spiritual Awakening. On this site, I’ve worked to keep things inspirational and motivational.  That will continue.

I will, however be talking more about the spirit and how we can live more authentically.  I know this pot of tea isn’t for everyone…and if it’s not yours, that’s okay.  I am so grateful for your time spent with me here on the blog.

Every once in a while, I’d love it if you’d pop in on FB or twitter and say hi (or send an e-mail).

If you are wanting more–more reality, more insight with a little edge and a lot of love–then head over and check out the site.  There are great things around the bend for us and can’t wait to see you there!

Wishing each of you all the good things in life!

-Steve

What is an artist? A philosopher? An architect?

Merely one who sees us as we might be, tells us who could be, and shows to us the potential of our person with such power that for a moment the veil is lifted, the bell is tolled, and the heart surges so intensely that we dare to believe the truth.

We are.

We all have plans.

As long as I remember, I have wanted to move to a warmer climate. (Currently, the plan is to settle in the San Diego area eventually).

Over the years, I have also toyed with the idea of moving to Central or South America for a few years.  So far, I haven’t followed through.

Our lives are often like this, aren’t they?  We have plans that we never commit to.  We make excuses for why we can’t fulfill our plans.

For me, the big one is the “right” time. What is the right time or the right situation?  Does it ever arrive?  Perhaps.

Think about the persistent plans or desires that clutter your own life.  These are the ones that pop up time after time over the years.

Why wait?

If you want to eventually settle in San Diego, why not move now?  If you want to live for a few years in Central or South America, why not pick the country and begin the process?

If you want to visit Europe or Asia, start actively setting aside the money to do it.

If you want to go on a cruise, make a plan to do it.

Why wait? (This question is mostly a kick in the butt for me…but since I’m so nice, I’m passing it on to you!)  :)

My mom is A-MAZ-ING! I was just reminded of the extent to which on a quick trip I made back home over this past weekend.

When I say “quick” trip…I mean quick.  I worked till 3:30 p.m. Friday at the seasonal gig then jumped in the car and drove across Iowa, arriving at about 10 p.m. at my parents’ house.  (Love you, Iowans, but I-80 seems to stretch FOREVER when driving across your state!)

Dad was already sleeping and mom and I started catching up.  Next thing I realized, it was 2:30 a.m!

The reason my mom is even more amazing to me as an adult than she was when I was a child is because she’s real.  She’s always been one of those people with pretty killer common sense and a wicked sharp memory.

When I was small, I thought my mom knew just about everything.  (She pretty much still does)  As an adult, however, she has showed me a chink or two in the armor; and I love her even more for it.

I struggle with insecurity about my abilities sometimes. I sometimes feel like I can’t focus well enough; and even though I’ve done a lot of things, I feel like I’ve failed to accomplish anything really significant.  Maybe all of us feel this way at some point.

On Friday night/Saturday morning, mom and I chatted about a mutual insecurity.  The startling thing to me was the way in which we each viewed each other.

I see mom as competent and in-control.  She sees me as someone who’s always got a dozen plates in the air and is able to keep them all spinning.

The greatest lesson I learned this weekend is that neither is true.

Moral of the Story?

Be cautious of the way you view yourself, good or bad, it’s probably not true.  Go out of your way to find out how others view you. If they have a higher estimation of you, your skills or your character, then adopt their beliefs until you have risen to accept their beliefs as your own.

Don’t be the you that you think yourself to be. Become the you which you truly are already and recognize how much confidence and power that gives you as you move forward!

Doubtless you have heard this expression which means: Take Action Now!

I don’t know if I have ever written as direct a post as this one, but I’m in a grab-life-by-the-balls mood, so here ya go!

Here’s the deal…We creative, “big-picture” types can do the day-to-day tasks and get into the details, but that’s not where we thrive.

If you are like me, then you know that we can get so wrapped up in the grandeur of our dreams and the magnificence of our plans that days (or weeks or months or even years) pass and we find that we have accomplished nothing.

Maybe you’re not like me. That’s okay.  The world wouldn’t function filled with “me’s.”

Maybe you have all the spreadsheets to manage your life and relationships most efficiently.  Maybe they’re all organized alphabetically or numerically.  You know exactly what you’re supposed to be doing and when it needs to be done to maximize efficacy.

Either way, we all fail to take action because we lose steam.  We get distracted. We are afraid.

Let It Go!

Whatever it is, NOW is the time to let it go.  You can do it. It’s that easy.  Just let it go.

Most all of the things that hold us back are stories that we believe about ourselves or our circumstances.  If a story is no longer serving you, let it go!

What do you need to let go? There is no time like the present!

A Lesson in Tapping

No, I’m not referring to dancing.

The first weekend I came to Madison (Wisconsin), I was fortunate to stay at a hotel two blocks from the state capitol building.

On Saturday morning, we saw lots of people heading up to the capitol.  Honestly, I was surprised to see so much activity on a weekend.  The hotel desk attendant informed us that a weekly farmer’s market is held around the capitol every Saturday.

This isn’t your local community farmer’s market…this is a gigantic enterprise circling the giant government building on all four sides (on both sides of the sidewalk).

We walked for nearly an hour around to see all the booths.  Local cheese, produce and fresh-baked goodies from Amish families enticed me at every turn.  The thing I was most surprised to see was the delicious maple syrup.  I had to have some.

I have always heard of syrup from Vermont, but never from Wisconsin, so that is why I was surprised to see it at the market.  I am SO glad I picked some up.  I don’t ever think I’ll be able to go back to the synthetic stuff in the store.

The other night I remembered this experience, and my curiosity got the better of me.  I have never tapped a maple tree to extract the sap to make syrup, but I decided to see if I could find out more about the process.  I found this short video (about 4 minutes long)

Maple Tapping Demonstration 

The tapping process is fairly simple.  You drill a hole in the side of the tree, insert the tap, hang the bucket…and wait.

What You Can’t See Yet

You don’t see it yet, but you are much like the maple tree. Great power and strength lies hidden in its roots. It stands tall, imperfect, yet unashamed.

The best part—the sweetest and most potent sap—lies beneath the surface under the roughness of the exterior layers.

A couple of comments from the video struck me.  After a particularly cold night that gives way to a warm morning, there is a wonderful “run” where the sap just streams from the tree.

So if you are in the middle of the dark, cold night, remember the maple tree.  A warmer morning is coming!  Stand in your strength. Stand tall in your perfect imperfections. You are more powerful than you can imagine.

As the sap flows freely from the tree without effort or strain, you can allow your power, love and grace to flow just as easily as the maple tree.  There is a whole wide world waiting to taste the delicious gift that you have to offer.

If you could see a maple tree planed, you would be able to see all the “scars” from where it had been tapped over the years. (They call that character in the wood).   Once the scars have formed from where the bark has been punctured, the sap will never flow that way again.

Instead of working so hard to hide your pain or scars, recognize that you are beautiful.  Your scars are the crafters of your character.  The power that lies within you is more than enough to lift you above any adversity that may come into your life.

You are so much more!

More than your adversity.

More than the vision you have of yourself as powerless.

You are even so much more than the image you have of yourself succeeding.

You are the power of God to touch the life of another man or woman, boy or girl and bring healing to his or her wounds. You can tap yourself and lift them up in order to remind them of what you already know…your roots run deep!

Which Direction Are You Going?

Life is in perpetual motion. That is its nature.

I struggled with clarity for a long time.  The past few years have been a study in gaining clarity.  I gained clarity about my purpose…and got stuck.  I gained clarity about writing my book…and got stuck.  I finished and published my book…and got stuck.

Often we say things like…

“I’m stuck in a rut”

“I feel bogged down”

“I can’t get any traction.”

And honestly, that’s where I have been for the last 8-9 months.  Just trying to figure it out.

Of course, these are simply metaphors used to describe how we feel at any given moment (and I’ve been there…and said all three of the above, and others beside).  If you have been reading this blog over all these months, then you have had a front-row seat to my “stuckiness”.

The truth is that we are not really “stalled out” in life. Our life is just going in a direction in which we do not want to go or in a manner in which we feel out of control.

When it comes to living the life you dream for yourself, take a look at the direction you’re headed.

Heading In The Right Direction

Directing your life in the right direction requires some discipline, skill and even a bit of blind luck–if you really believe in such a thing!

That is why I have been touting the changes coming to this blog.  I love this site and I love each of you…but a blog is not a business.  It won’t pay bills or buy food.

It is a fantastic tool for communication; however, and I love the dialogue this site affords you and me.  The truth is that I haven’t been entirely honest.  But that is changing as I inject greater authenticity into the work I do here (and more honesty about why I do it)

I guarantee that when you align your life in a direction that serves you, you will not struggle to motivate yourself to take action.  When you are headed in the right direction, gaining clarity occurs much more easily.

That’s why I am so excited.  I have been working feverishly on the new direction.  I want to share a few of those with you.  I am planning to launch a regular podcast for you (very soon…think, within a week or two)…still working out the logistics.

I also have our new “home” on the web (new URL) picked out and I think you’ll like it.  I just want to get it spruced up a bit before I invite you all over for a housewarming party!

Be looking for a regular newsletter going forward as well.  I don’t want to inundate you with more “stuff”…that is not the purpose.  However, I do want to provide you with support, guidance and inspiration on your journey.

Bottom line is that the next time you find yourself complaining about a lack of focus, energy or direction; stand up, take courage, and set your own direction.  We’re waiting for you to show us that the miraculous is still possible.

Some of the wisest advice from the Bard.

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

-Shakespeare 

Seems self evident, but it is amazing to me how often I lie to myself.  I may not be overtly dishonest, but I hedge to protect myself from the criticisms and ridicule of others.

I expect that this endeavor–to be true to one’s self–is a lifelong one, but I have spent the few years learning to be true to myself.  Over the past eight or nine months, I have been doing so in greater and greater portions through this blog.

We have all grown together and I have been so grateful of your company on this journey…for without an audience to write for, it would be far less fulfilling to me.

I have lived afraid to speak my truth. How about you?  Well, no more.

Speaking My Truth

Recently, I had a great chat with my friend, Sherrie Korteke about the direction of my business and my blog.  She encouraged me (as always) to honor my gifts and my message.

I am a teacher. I am a spiritual teacher.

This is my gift. It is what I was meant to do.

This is the truth that I have been afraid to accept and publicize over the last year or so. Even in writing my book, I tried to steer clear of terms like “self-help” or “spirituality” when describing my work.

I tried to make myself something I was not. I tried to fashion myself as a business consultant, author and writer.

The truth is that I call others to awaken and live aware and alert in their lives. I teach through communication. Speaking and writing are the tools of communication, but they are not who I am.  The method is not the message.

Sherrie encouraged me by saying, “Your message is bigger–broader–than this, Steve.  You are trying to fit into someone else’s mold instead of crafting your own.”

So I am choosing to embrace her advice and honor and respect my gifts and my purpose.

What Next?

March is our first “blogoversary” here at the KK Blog.  I am excited about this and looking forward to some ways for us to celebrate.

However, I will also be making some adjustments along the way and hope you will enjoy them.  I hope this process will also inspire you to look for ways where you can further honor and respect your own gifts and purpose.

1. New Home – No, I’m not buying a house!  We will be getting a new URL.  I haven’t decided what it will be, but it will be better branded to represent the truth of what I have shared above.  (If you have any thoughts or ideas for names, share them.  You’re as much a part of this community as I am)

2. Adjusted Focus – Our blog will still be inspirational and motivational, but more and more I will be delving in and drilling a bit deeper (beyond basic personal development).  I will be talking about the philosophy and theory behind my insights.  (I won’t get overtly religious and will always try to balance the spiritual with the practical)

3. New Platforms – I will be experimenting with expanded platforms to share my message…things like periodic newsletters, web-based TV show, videos, podcasts, etc.  (Again, if you have a favorite format you’d like, please share…it’s all fluid right now)

The Bottom Line

This all comes down to integrity. You and I must be congruent–body, mind and spirit.  I hope that your idea of a life well-lived includes all these perspectives, and I hope you’ll continue to grow and relish life with me.

I am really excited about what the future has to offer. Be looking for some additional exciting things coming down the pike.  I’ll be rolling out a new free web-based class in the coming weeks…and after the first of the year, I’ll be re-launching my book with additional new materials included.  Keep an eye out.  You all will have “first dibs” and special discounts.

As we go forward, I want to say a deeply sincere, thank you.

You all inspire me so much every day when I read and respond to your wise insights and kind comments.  I appreciate your support and would appreciate your continuing to share our conversations and insights across your social media networks.

To all my US readers, have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I hope that all of you, no matter what country you hail from, will take time this week to dwell in gratitude for all you are and all you have.

Oh, Yeah…

And that whole “expanded platforms” thing?!?  Here’s a first attempt at the web TV show…if you want to listen to me give more in-depth coverage of the topic we discussed the other day.  (Letting Go of Anger)  It’s about 28 minutes long, but will take you through the 3 layers of anger and expose the root and how you can eradicate it.

If you can’t view the video above, watch here

Imagine this scene.  You are about to go to sleep on a Sunday night.  It’s about 10:30 and you have work Monday morning. After brushing your teeth and preparing for bed, you climb under the covers.

That’s when you hear it.  Yelling. Someone’s angry. Really angry.  You can’t hear exactly what they’re saying, so you jump up from bed.

You shut off the lights in the room and peek out from behind the blinds. There, in the middle of the street is a skinny guy flailing his arms, screaming at the top of his lungs.  You can’t quite here what he’s saying, so you quietly slide the window latch over and raise the pane a few inches.  (Don’t laugh, you know you’re nosy enough to do it!)

“We’re not doing this!” He screams. He’s obviously very upset with the other person standing in the street.  ”This isn’t how this relationship is gonna go.  And if you think it is, maybe it is time for a break!”

The body language coming from the object of his rage conveys shock and bewilderment.

“You know what? I don’t know what to do with this,” snaps Bewildered.  ”I’ve never seen you this way.”

“Yeah?  Well maybe it’s high time!” Crazy Man screams.

“I’m done with this conversation,” Bewildered turns to walk away.

“Don’t walk away from me!” Screeches Crazy Man. “This conversation isn’t over.  Sit the f*ck down! This will be over when I tell you it’s over!”

Have you ever been that angry? So angry the hairs on your neck stood up? So angry that you went into “red-eye” mode and it felt like you were out of body, reacting to everything around you?

I am normally the most laid-back guy.  I don’t get too riled up about much of anything.  (That doesn’t mean I’m not stubborn as heck, though).

Up until a couple of years ago, I would have said I couldn’t ever remember a time where I yelled at anyone in anger (beside my little brother and sister when we were growing up).

You may have noticed I said “up until a couple of years ago”.  That’s right…I’m ashamed to admit that “Crazy Man” from our story was me.

Anger consumes us.  Doesn’t it?  We think we are angry at someone or something else, but the fundamental truth is that we are scared.

Several years ago, I suffered the breakup of a close relationship.  The other person moved on. I was devastated. When I say devastated, I mean the depressed, call-your-friends-and-cry-all-night type of devastation.

No matter how much I vented, cried, or tried to purge all the “ick” out of the situation, I couldn’t move on.

I was SO angry! Angry that I had let myself be so vulnerable.  Angry that I couldn’t move on. Angry the other person had. I was consumed by the anger.

This morning, I read this about anger in A Course In Miracles.  I had to share.

The relationship of anger to attack is obvious, but the relationship of anger to fear is not always so apparent. Anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as one’s own responsibility, rather than being blamed on others. 

How I Let Go of Anger

So how did I move past my anger?

Ultimately, I took responsibility for it. The other person had not quit living. The other person had not lived in hurt for over a year. The other person had not “done” this to me.

As soon as I recognized that I was the one who had created the hurt by projecting that meaning onto the circumstances, I realized that I could choose a different meaning. In that moment, I freed myself.

That doesn’t mean all the emotions were simply resolved. I had spent over a year reinforcing neuropathways of hurt and betrayal in my brain. It took some time to reprogram those, but the venom was gone.

How You Can Let Go of Anger

You can let go of anger too. Follow these steps.

1. You Choose the Meaning – Recognize that you choose what every situation in your life means to you.

2. Take Responsibility for the Projection – Remember that anger is often projected onto someone or something else in order to preserve the ego.

3. Make a Different Choice – You have the power to choose the meaning. You always have. That’s why you’re in pain. So make a choice that serves you better.

Anger always involves projection of separation

Whenever you are faced with anger, look for the fear.  It will always be there.  If you can eliminate the fear, the anger subsides because it has no “host” from which to leech it’s requisite enormous emotional energy.

Backlogged

This evening, I logged in to Google Reader and found 246 articles waiting for me.  So I dove right in.

Now, (nearly 3 hours later), I’m taking a break to write this post.

About half an hour ago, I quit reading (with nearly 100 posts still to wade through) and started skimming…or more accurately, “page-downing” (the act of pressing the “page dn” button, scanning the headlines and repeating).  I still have 48 articles to page-down through.

Why am I doing this? I wondered. Why am I even reading these blogs at all?

Those two questions granted me a moment of lucidity, and I realized that I am tired.

I’m Tired

I am tired of reading about “tricks” and “tips” for better blogging.

I am tired of learning “how-to” get a job/follow a dream/build a brand.

I am tired of reading about what it is like to be someone else or do business like someone else does business.

What I Want…

I want to learn about how I do business.

I want to learn about how I connect to my readers.

I want to focus on being true.

I want to learn to better compete with me and let all the others watch.

I want to be the guy whose work is backlogged in someone else’s Google Reader when they realize that all they need is already within them and that they can launch out into the deep and do their own thing.

What about you?

So Ignore Me, and Do your own thing!

We have been asking the wrong question!

I believe it is Tony Robbins who said that the quality of our life reflects the quality of the questions we ask ourselves.

Think about your life and your goals. What are the driving questions you are asking (perhaps inadvertently)? Often we fail to recognize them because they are driven by our desires.

The actions we take are the answers to the questions we have been asking. Because our questions proceed from our desires, we see them as goals, tasks and actions.

Life is like the game show Jeopardy!  The trick to look at the answers we have created and uncover the questions.

We are asking the wrong questions.

What is my purpose/mission/calling?

What am I meant to do?

What is the meaning of my life?

I am the first to admit that I do the same thing. I have been asking these questions…sometimes for years.

But there is a better question.

Who Do I Want to BE?

In a previous post I talked about how our external world reflects our internal world. Most of us spend all of our lives living externally.  We focus on the “DO” of our lives.

If we would focus on the person we really want to be, and doggedly refine and pursue that vision, what we are meant to do will become evident.

The sharper your vision for who you must be,
the clearer the vision of what you must do.

The idea of personal responsibility has come up for me 3 or 4 times already this morning.  I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but when I see topic or theme presenting itself in my consciousness, I know I need to pay attention.

Normally when we think of responsibility, we mean taking ownership of a thing or of a process. Generally, it is within the context of a burden or task we are taking ownership of.

A Different Context of Responsibility

The personal responsibility that I am referring to in this post is within the context of cause and effect.

For many years, I have believed that what we experience externally is connected to what we create internally (through our thoughts and emotions).

I have struggled with this idea of full personal responsibility, however, because quite honestly, I don’t want to believe that everything in my outside experience is a reflection of what is going on inside.

Laws of Personal Responsibility

The truth is that this is a spiritual law. You reap what you sow.  What goes around, comes around. What you put out into the world comes back to you.

However you phrase it, cause and effect rules our physical and spiritual realities.  In physics class, one of the first laws you learn is that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Perhaps the reason this fundamental law rules our physical world is because it rules the spiritual world first.  Or, perhaps there is no distinction or separation at all.  One is the other.

What I realized today is that much of the anxiety that I experience in my life is over regret that something is not unfolding as I want it to.  I stress out because I am resisting the reality of what is and then projecting that resistance outside of myself onto the external circumstances.

Taking Personal Responsibility

Why is it that as soon as we experience stress or anxiety, we try to fix it by medicating or manipulating the external?  I admit it. I do this 99% of the time…even when I know the truth.

Why do we shrink back from addressing the internal world in order to realign the external with our intention?  Why is it so hard to live from the center space?

That is and will always be (in my estimation) the guiding question.  And the answer to it will be the key to our personal liberty!

Increase Trust in Relationships

Today, I want to share something so simple that most who read this post will nod their heads, mumble “mmhmm” in agreement and never apply its wisdom.

Although simple, this insight is powerful to completely transform the dynamics of your relationships.

It’s not a magic technique, though.  There is no special formula or essential process. Instead, it is a simple realization paired with the habit of staying alert and present within relationship.

Let me explain what I mean.

Empower Your Relationships

We are always in relationship with each other, of course.  Human beings with human beings.  Whether the relationship is platonic, romantic, professional or personal, the fundamental similarity of relationship is the humanity of it.

What is the thing every single person on earth needs from a relationship?

At one point in my life, I would have easily blurted, “to love and be loved” in response to this question.

Is it respect? Is it recognition? What do you think?

Think about your own relationships. Think of your spouse or partner. Think of your boss or co-workers. Think of your family and friends.

What do each of these people need from you in relationship? Just as importantly–if not more so–what do you need from them?

All of us yearn to be seen, heard and understood. Affirmation. Empathy. Worth.

We all want to know that we matter.

Revitalize Your Relationships

At the beginning of this post, I promised that your relationship had the potential to be transformed by a simple realization and the awareness to remain present in the relationship.

The realization that we all want to know that we matter is not a new one.  This is what I was referring to when I predicted that most of you would nod your heads and say, “mmhmm” when I presented it. It is common sense.

So what makes the difference?

Awareness.

If you know that every person you encounter yearns to know that they matter, how does that transform the way you live? How does it change the way you interact with your boss?  How does it change the way you respond to your significant other?  How about your kids.

It is more than just saying, “you mean a lot to me” or “you are important to me.” How do we show people that they are important?

The Power of Listening Builds Trust in Relationships

Listening is the most important thing you will ever do to build trust in a relationship. Let me correct that.  Unprejudiced listening is the most important thing you will do in relationship.

Listening is not hearing what the other person says in order to prepare a more convincing argument or rebuttal. Listening is not hearing what the other person says in order to add to the laundry list of things that can be used to manipulate them during a negotiation, or worse still, a disagreement.

Unprejudiced listening means hearing what they have to say and trying to hear their meaning (without your projection of it).

In my own relationship, I am constantly shocked at how I can hear something that is said, but the meaning I receive is completely different from the intended meaning.

Why We Struggle With Listening

Listening is so difficult because we have created habits of relationship that are defensive. We are always trying to “get ahead” or bolster our perspective in order to bully the “other guy” into accepting our point of view.

Another difficulty is that we seem to believe that any empathy shown to another or any attempt to understand the other person will give them the upper hand and make us weak. The opposite is true.

True listening produces power because it leads others to trust you. You become trustworthy and trustworthiness is the foundation of life, business and all of society.

The power of true listening comes from what it produces.  It is so powerful when it is practiced that it almost seems as if it is magic.

Tips to Help Build Trust in Your Relationships

Here are some tips to help you if you want to improve the trust in your relationships.  Pick one and apply it for a week and come back to this post and tell me what changed for you. If you apply it consistently, I promise you will see dramatic results.

1. Use an “I Get It” phrase.

When you are communicating with someone, use what I call “I Get It” phrases as transitions to move the conversation along.  Here are a few to help you.

• “I can understand why you would feel that way…”
• “I can imagine that…”
• “So what you are saying is…(and rephrase the meaning of what they just said to you)”
• “From your perspective…” (use this phrase to gain greater clarity when their meaning is obscured).

You will be shocked by what people will say after you use these phrases.  You’ll get more information and insight into the person, and what makes them tick, than you ever imagined.

Each of these phrases helps fulfill the fundamental human need: to know that we matter.

2. Don’t Talk!

After you use an “I Get It” phrase in order to convey that you have heard (and understood) a person’s meaning, shut up!  Be comfortable with a little silence.  You don’t have to always fill up the pauses.  Let the other person process and add more information.

Let them pause, reflect and provide you with more insight into what they are thinking and feeling. Most of us get a tidbit of information from someone and our mind starts jumping to conclusions about their motives and meanings. Before they even finish their thought, we have finished it for them and know what we think they just said.

The power comes from hearing–truly hearing–what they really said.

3. Ask For More Insight.

Ask questions such as “What else…?” or “What more…?” in order to get to the bottom of what the person really wants to communicate.

Once you have completely exhausted all of these tips in a repeated cycle of questioning, you will find that the trust in the relationship has deepened profoundly.

Start this as a game.  Like I said, take a week. Apply one of the phrases over and over and over. Then, make these 3 tips a habitual way of communicating and watch your trustworthiness with others soar!

NOTE: This is the end of this post and I know it is longer than normal, but I wanted to add an example conversation so you can see how the tips work in a “real” situation.  So for those who are interested…here you go.

SAMPLE CONVERSATION

Jane: Ughhh!  These ladies at work are craaaaaazy!  Guess what happened?

Joe: What?

Jane: They actually had a shoe check today. Tammy got sent home to change.

Joe: Are you kidding?

Jane: No!  I’m not. These managers are psycho. They take a perfectly fine dress code and go crazy on us. They’re treating us like children.

Joe: Wow. I can understand how you would feel so frustrated.

Jane:  Yeah. But it’s not just that. We are there every day in the toxic environment they created busting it to make them successful.

It’s not like we are slacking off or something. Everyone’s working so hard to get their work done and make the company successful and then they go and do something like this.

Joe: “So you’re saying that they are actually getting in the way of your trying to make them look good.

Jane: “Exactly! No one wants to look stupid.  None of us want to fail at our jobs, but instead of letting us work, they’re lining us up to criticize our shoes.  Talk about demoralizing!”

Joe:  ”I can imagine that you must feel so unappreciated.”

Jane:  ”That is exactly it!  We aren’t appreciated. We are treated like children. I don’t know how much  more of this drama I can take!”

Joe: “I can understand how you must feel at your wits’ end.”

Jane: “Yes.  But I’m more frustrated because I feel like I’m wasting my life.  There has to be more. I feel like I’m just existing.  I’ve lost my passion.”

Joe: “Wow…That’s heavy.  What else has this situation caused you to kinda turn your back on?”

Jane: “You know, I never thought of it like that…but I think you’re right. I took the job because I needed stability. Now I feel trapped…like I’m on the island of misfit toys.  The worse thing is that I have settled.”

Joe: “I can understand. You must feel disappointed.”

Jane:  ”Yes. That’s the main thing, I guess.  More than all the frustration. More than all the annoyance. I’m disappointed in myself for settling for a situation that is less than I deserve.”

Some Thoughts:

Notice how little Joe really speaks.  He’s listening for the meaning of Jane’s words.  Notice his prompts and how asking leading questions led him from Jane’s complaint about the shoe check to uncover her disappointment in settling for a bad situation.

What did you feel as you read this conversation? How do you think Jane felt at the end of the conversation?  Do you think she felt heard?  Do you think she felt understood?

See how it works in your real life now.  Let me know.

Growing up, I thought I was the ugly kid.

I wore shirts that were too big, because I hated my skinny body. If I wore short sleeves, they had to come to the elbows as I tried to hide my skinny arms.

I don’t know why I thought of myself as ugly. Now, I look at pictures from my childhood, and realize that I wasn’t ugly at all.

Now, I’m grateful for my slender frame.  I’m thankful that I can eat (for the most part) whatever I want, within moderation. What changed?

Certainly not my actual physique. The transformation happened deeper inside.

I think many people experience similar obstacles with their body image. They focus on their bodies because that is what is visible.

The problem with focusing so much on the external is that most of us have tied our body image to our self image. They are two separate things.

Growing up, my dislike of my body had nothing to do with my body at all. It had everything to do with what I believed about myself.

I didn’t like me. My body was the physical representation of me, so it was impossible to like my body.

If you look in the mirror and do not like what you see, here are some tips for changing things.

Disconnect Your Body Image From Your Self-Image

Make sure what you think of your body is not tied to what you think of yourself!

You are not your body. You inhabit your body. Your body is merely the reflection of what is going on inside.

How can you tell if you have identified with your body?

If you obsess about parts of your body that you can do nothing about (in my case, being skinny), then you are probably projecting onto your body dislike of yourself.

How to Change It

How can you change it?

Well, for me, it was a simple exercise.

Because my issue was a self-image issue, I was able to overcome it with a simple affirmation exercise.

I forced myself to stand in front of the mirror and really look at myself. I forced myself to set aside my judgment and try to look at myself objectively.

When I really looked at my body for what it was, I realized, “I’m not ugly.”

Once I dealt with the body image by realizing “I’m not ugly,” I realized that this was just a belief that I had created.

Then, I made myself stand in front of the mirror again and look myself in the eyes and say this affirmation.

“I love you, Steve. I love you.”

At first, I couldn’t do it without laughing (I mean, who says they love themselves?).

That’s when it hit me and I started crying when I realized the reason I couldn’t say it was because I didn’t love me.

I made myself stand there, night after night, as I would look myself in the eyes and say, “I love you.”

It was weird, but things started to shift.  I started to believe me. Then the real magic happened…I started to act as if I loved me. Finally, I actually started to love me.

Then, the most amazing part of the transition happened, because when I started to believe it, and act like it, other people started to believe it as well.

They treated me differently. My interpersonal relationships improved.  My charisma and natural extroverted personality flourished.

Finally, I loved myself; and I found that other people had loved me all along, I just couldn’t see it. Once I began loving me, all the old beliefs about my body were easily replaced, and now I hardly think about it.

All those old insecurities are gone because it was never about the external anyway.

This post carries a tone more somber than that of those I normally write.  It contains less of the “rah, rah!” and “You can do it!” factor.

It comes only with a simple reminder. A baseline for all the rest of life.

I have talked of greatness on the blog, and we have already discussed uncovering passion and finding purpose.

When I talked of excellence, I most often spoke from the standpoint of what one does rather than who one is, but I missed the most important thing. It was there–underneath all the rest–but I failed to highlight the truth.

Greatness is not what you do or even how you do it.  True greatness lies at the core of who you are.

Go within. Find out what is there, and passion will guide you the rest of the way. Without passion, excellence alone is a cheap substitute.

Love absolutely. Love undeniably. Love without reservation. That is greatness. The closer you get to love, the greater your life will be whether people “get it” or not.

We cannot all do great things,
but we can do small things with great love.

Mother Teresa

“It takes time to be good” – Simon Cowell.

You already are great.  Our greatness is not revealed in an amazing mind or physical effort, but in simple repeated thoughts and actions. Express your greatness each day in every way possible.  Ask yourself every day “how can I be great in this moment?” Do that thing that expresses to the world your greatness.

Becoming good at something takes work, dedication and absolute obsession (passion) with the subject.  If you want to be a good writer, write!  If you want to become a good partner, practice communication. If you want to be a good business person, identify what that means to you and learn how to do that…each day.

In Search of a Calling

I believe each of us must discover and define our unique purpose in life.

One of my biggest most exacerbating struggles has been to define purpose/meaning, and discover the thing that I alone am meant to do.

If you have read my book, you may remember the story of how I uncovered my sense of purpose which is to give hope. Everything that I do and everything that brings me joy stems from this purpose.

As opportunities come to my life, it has been a helpful guideline on which to rely. It helps me recognize what I should or shouldn’t be doing.

The drawback of my purpose stated in this way is that it is rather generic, vague and broad in its scope. Realistically, an infinite number of activities, occupations and career choices could fall under “to give hope.”

What Is Your Calling?

What is your purpose?

Have you identified the “to…(infinitive action)” statement which brings meaning to your life?

If you have not, I encourage you to do some soul-searching by asking yourself the question, “when do I feel most alive?”

If you have, then perhaps you can relate to the place in which I now find myself. Ready to move forward, I find myself needing to further identify my mission–my passion and purpose in life.

The question for me is “how?”

I have always believed that I was meant for something truly great. I am comfortable with a certain amount of instability and change. I enjoy variety and challenging the status quo.

The obstacle I have noticed for myself recently as I have been giving this a lot of thought and focus, is that I can’t properly visualize what this means. It  is not a specific job or a specific activity.

For a while now, this has created feelings of frustration for me.  What similar situations have you faced that have brought on similar frustrations?

Here are some keys that have helped me.  See if they’ll work for you. Let me know if they provide clarity and insight in your situation.

Clarifying Your Calling

Remember this: Your current job or career situation may not be “perfect” but it may help you find your calling.

Here are a few keys:

1. Identify and make a list of all the qualities and characteristics which define the “ideal” (job/career/social situation/family situation, etc)

2. Keep refining and clarifying the list continuously as you notice anything that rubs you the “wrong way” or, on the other hand, causes you to feel empowered. (Don’t be afraid to be specific)

Your current job or career situation may not be “perfect,”
but it may help lead you to your calling.

Oprah had to work in (and become dissatisfied) with TV news to get the opportunity to host a morning talk show. She then had to host the Oprah Winfrey Show for 25 years before she expanded her reach with the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).

You can trust life to bring you to your calling.  How are you doing your part to put yourself in the way of life’s miracles?

I don’t have this all figured out. Far from it.  But I’m taking steps. This is what I am learning and implementing in my own life and I will continue to do so.  As I grow, I will share my victories (and even a few setbacks) with you.

That’s part of the magic. Learning from each other, we are all a part of one another’s journeys.  Let’s see how far this rabbit hole goes!

I Suck At Prioritizing!

So…if you’ve ever taken a leadership/management class or any sort of training on goals or time management, you have learned all the tricks and tips about prioritizing days and duties.

But how many of us really settle on a system that works and make it an integral part of our lives? What are the results if we do?

Does prioritization and list-making just allow us to be more orderly in our busyness?  For me, the answer to this question is “yes!”.

Now that I am about 5 days into the One Thing Challenge that I set for myself recently, I am realizing that I don’t need a way to prioritize my life (because I rarely stick with it long-term) as much as I need a way to “de-list” chores from my task list (whether it is actually written down or just kept mentally).

How I Realized This

The One Thing Challenge is a challenge that I made to myself to identify the “one thing” that was absolutely essential for me to do each day (for a month) and make sure that it was done before I go to bed.

My purpose was to clarify my values and make sure that how I spent my time was on track for the way I want to live my life.  I was also hoping to reduce stress along the way.

As I go through this challenge I am realizing how many things I do (and how much time I spend doing the stuff) that just don’t matter…and it scares the bejesus out of me!

This is my life. I want it to count. I don’t want to do things that don’t matter. Ever.

But it is hard work to do the important things. You have to think and become intentional about life in order to let go of all the urgent but ultimately, meaningless things.

The “Me Do It” Syndrome

I think a lot of people struggle, like I do, with the insidious “Me Do It” syndrome.

Have you ever seen a small toddler who has just learned to do a new task? Any time a parent or sibling steps in to help her with the task, she will usually cry out in a stern voice, “No. Me do it!”

We behave like the toddler.  We go through life gobbling up task after task. We don’t always say it out loud, but we are thinking it.  Me do it!

If I don’t get that report done tonight, it won’t get done.

If I don’t pick up the kids’ toys, no one else will do it.

If I don’t head the PTA, who will step in?  They can’t get everything done as well without me.

I have to be honest. I have struggled the last few days with the challenge.  It has been difficult for me to identify and dedicate myself to the one essential thing that makes all the difference.

I have named it the “Call of the Urgent”.

My Struggle With the Call of the Urgent

The Call of the Urgent is a  nasty habit of capitulation to the urgent task over the essential task.  I am even cheating a bit right now by writing this post. (Fortunately, I am now at least aware when I choose the urgent over the important).

For example, today I identified doing a brainstorm for my business as the important thing that I want to do today.  Yet, I am writing this post.

When I got home from work, I opened mail (that didn’t need to be opened), marinated some beef for dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, took out the trash, cleared my e-mail, and sent a tweet or two.

To my credit, I avoided Facebook!

Even as I was doing those things, I recognized the relative lack of importance each task held. Yes, they needed to be done (eventually), but I struggled so hard to stop the endless list of necessary but relatively unimportant tasks.

It surprised me to notice that I felt distracted, pressured and jumpy trying to do all these urgent, “gremlin” tasks which held relatively little importance.

Somehow, I know that if I can become conscious of the way in which I’m spending my life time, moment by moment and day to day; and then make more powerful choices about what I do, how I do it and when I do it, life will transform immeasurably.

Be Intentional!

The fact is that it takes hard work!

It is hard work to turn off the TV (or never turn it on) and focus on the important things when I am tired (like today).

It takes hard work to identify the truly important things; and from there, narrow it down even more to the essential things.

It takes hard work to follow through and do the essential things.

But hard work makes the difference. Little choices change the direction of our lives. Small habits transform the impact we make in the world.

PROGRAM NOTE: (Do blogs have those?  I guess so, cuz here’s mine)  I’ll be posting on Tuesday and Friday from now on.  (I had been posting Tues and Thurs).  This will give a few more days between each post so if you don’t catch the article right away, it gives you a bit longer.

Losing Personal Power

Have you ever felt like you have lost your way? Have you felt like you have lost your power?

Feeling lost in a relationship, it seems as if you had given your power to another. Having settled for a job because it is “good money,” you later find that your energy and personal power seem to seep away.

How do we get back on track?  How do we regain personal power…especially when we feel stuck?

I mean you can’t just quit your job and walk away from a mortgage or car payment. You can’t abandon a relationship at the expense of your children. At the same time, we can’t continue to diminish ourselves through the slow dilution of the spirit.

How do we recover our power? When we talk about regaining personal power, what do we mean?

Defining Personal Power

Personal power is the expression of our true selves; but from the moment of our birth, the opinions, beliefs and expectations of others begins to dilute our purpose as we seek to find “our place” in the world.

Our Power Is the Expression of Our True Selves

We spend the rest of our lives trying to regain the understanding of what we already know deep within. Power comes from the integrity (or congruity) of the soul.

The Myth of Lost Power

You have never lost your power, you have simply allowed it to become diluted. We must recognize the truth, embrace this understanding, and learn to trust ourselves. Belief unlocks the door for the exercise of true power.

The key lies in distilling that which has been diluted. Reclaiming the power that already lies within requires a certain ruthlessness. Not a ruthless disregard for the feelings and experiences of others; but rather, an unwavering focus on who we are at our core and what we are meant to do.

This endeavor requires great courage and concentration.  It requires that we abandon the distractions that entangle us and retain precise focus on the purpose for which we have come into this life!

If you are feeling a bit disconnected and are interested in taking action to regain your power, join me this month for the “one thing” challenge.  Join us on Facebook and tell us about the “one (essential) thing” that you are doing to express your purpose each day.

I am taking it all off!  I’m stripping down!

(Now I know what prurient potty-minds my readers are!)

If you were expecting me to drop my clothes, that’s not what this post is about (but if you stick around long enough, you never know what could happen)

Anyway…back to the subject at hand….hmmm, now what is the subject at hand? Oh, yeah…I remember. Priorities!

It’s All Bullsh*t

Everyday, I read dozens of blog posts about how to live more effectively and I wonder, What’s the point?

It’s all just hype (perbole). It stresses me out!

” _(insert some number here)  Totally Easy Steps to Make Your Life Peachy-Keen”

“Revolutionize Your Life NOW With These (insert some number here)  Easy Steps”

” Discover (insert some number here) Keys to Absolute, Ball-Busting Happiness!”

See the pattern? Everyone’s peddling some sort of bullsh*t. (Even I do it)

Think about it. If you really wanted your life to be different, you would change it, right?

I know you wanna argue with me. Don’t. I’ve heard it all (in my own head) already. And I’m calling “bullsh*t” on myself (and you too) to save us both the time.

Here’s the Reason We Don’t Change

Only one possible reason change hasn’t happened yet occurs to me.

I’m a lazy a$$, or I am unfocused (which is really the same thing when you think about it).

What I really want to do is to talk about daydreams, unicorns and gumdrops instead of actually creating them.

Talk is cheap!

I spend so much time doing the “other stuff” that at the end of the day, I don’t have the energy to make sure I accomplished the things that matter most. You smell what I’m cooking yet?

That’s why I’ve developed the “one thing” challenge for myself…and you’re welcome to join me.  It is really simple.

Now before you start jumping up and down, exclaiming, “count me in!” notice that I didn’t say it would be easy.

The “One Thing” Challenge

The thing is we all know all the tips, tricks, techniques and keys we need to change our lives, but most of us spend all our time and energy looking for something easy. It is a matter of priorities.

I am the worst. Too impatient to persist, and too dissatisfied with steady change, I chase transformation. But I am so tired of all the activity and no productivity.

When I was a kid, I lived in a world of wonder and creativity. It filled my days and dreams with amazement. I want to live like that again.  I want to take the skills I have developed as an adult and marry them to the playfulness of childhood.

Here it is! For the next 30 days, I’m stripping everything away. (I promise to keep my clothes on…mostly)

From now until mid-Novemeber, I am stripping all my activities, tasks and actions down to the single most important thing each day.

(This isn’t to say I’ll do nothing besides the most important thing…I have to eat and sleep…but I’m saying that I will identify and take action on the one thing that is most important to me each day.)

Tools for the Challenge

Here are a few tools we will need:

1. Clarity

2. Sense of Values

3. Accountability

First of all, we have to become clear about what we need to do. Since we are focused on doing the single most important thing, we need absolute clarity to determine what that is.

Secondly, we have to know our values. What is important to you? Why does it matter?

Finally, we have to be accountable in order to make sure that we follow through on our determination.  (Think of this as built in persistence).

Requirements (*clears throat* “Err, I mean priorities”)

1. The “No” – This challenge will require me to say, “no.” Perhaps to some important things and people.

2. The “Yes” – This challenge will also require me to make some decisions.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the expectations of others that we can’t see the most important thing.

We say things like, “I have to get that report done.” Really? What if you don’t?

What if you don’t please everyone who wants to control you by garnering their good favor today; but in return, you have done the “one thing” you value most?  What is that worth?

You will have to decide if you are up for it. It won’t be easy.

Some Help

Robin Hood had his Merry Men.

Harry Potter had Ron and Hermione.

Frodo had Sam.

Even the greatest heroes need help.

So, if you would like to join me in re-setting your own priorities, jump over to my Fanpage on Facebook and post what your “one thing” for the day is.

It is that simple…just a little accountability. If you don’t see mine for a few days, feel free to call me out. This accountability thing is for me too!

Let me know what you think in the comments and please likestumblesharetweet this post.  I’ll keep a daily journal of my experiences and I urge you to do the same.  I’ll share it with you either weekly or all at the end.

I’m really excited to see what happens with this challenge.

Ready. Set. Go!

My BIG Pattern Interrupt

Over the past week, I have been trying to process this podcast which was a powerful pattern interrupt for me.  In it, Penelope Trunk calls out my blogging buddy, Steve from End the Grind.

Warning: the podcast is unedited and Penelope is harsh and direct, so it may be hard to listen to all the way through.

When I listened to it the first time, my stomach was tied in knots because I knew she was really talking to me! (Cosmic sense of humor that Steve and I share the same first name!).

The Brass Tacks

Talk is cheap; action is better!  Here’s the deal: I am afraid. Afraid to commit to changing my life, so I constantly struggle with my goals for my life and business.

It Is Easier…

…To prognosticate than it is to prepare.

…To pontificate than it is to produce.

…To hide than it is to lead.

What I Fear Most…

I deplore “easier.”

I fear the complacency a heavily-traveled road fosters.

I am even more afraid of living without ever having discovered what I would uncover, had I had the strength to scrape my soul for the resolve necessary to change everything.

Yes, I fear hitting rock bottom; but more than that, I live in terror of having never summoned the courage to jump in the first place!

What I Hide Behind

Instead of facing my own fear, I hide by telling all of you why and how you should face your fears. I hide behind a list of important tasks that don’t really matter. I hide by making my life busy but not productive.

I hide behind my dreams. I fear breaking from the proscribed social norms. I fear living the life that flourishes in my dreams. Dreams are safe. Anything is possible there.

The “real” world is a scary place for dreams. In it, they can be broken, they can be disappointed, they can be deterred; and I am afraid of it all.

I have already written enough about jumping.  I have told you that you should jump.

Now it’s “put up or shut up” time for me. The thing I fear most is committing, but this post makes me accountable. It is time I did this thing!

Balls to the Wall!

Time to go “balls to the wall!”

Time to be afraid and do it anyway!

Time to get busy with what I love doing and let the chips fall where they may!  (Don’t worry. I’ll clean up later)

I love speaking! (yes, the public kind). I know that most people would (literally) rather die than speak publicly, but I have become addicted to it.

It didn’t start that way, though. In college, I was told the best presentation I gave in Freshman speech class was the pantomime.

Along my journey, I stepped out on the encouragement from a stranger and started refining my speaking skills. I found that I excelled, and better than that, I really enjoyed it.

You would think that it would be a “no-brainer” to do something that drives me with this much passion and brings this much joy; but I have been afraid for so long, it paralyzed me.

So what does this mean? I think it has been a breakthrough (for me, at least).

No matter what, I know we are in for a fun ride; and so I’m glad you are here with me!

Today, I just want to share a little bit of me with you.

Over the past eight months, you and I have spent a lot of time together talking about our hopes and dreams and how to achieve them.

We have gotten to know each other over this forum here at Karmic Kappuccino. This blog is not about me or my personal life, however, I sometimes use circumstances or tell stories from my life to illustrate my points.

Today, I have no point to make other than to share a bit of the beauty I enjoyed this past weekend. On Saturday, I visited Devil’s Lake State Park near where I live in Wisconsin.

The Lake was carved by a glacier that carved out a valley between two large ridges.  There are hiking paths across the top of each ridge.  We hiked the West Ridge and took most of the pictures from there.  Hope you enjoy these.

They are just a reminder to enjoy today and embrace the beauty around you.

The shoreline of Devil’s Lake

Me at the edge of Devil’s Lake

Devil’s Lake from the top of the West ridge

I got this!

Imagine…

What if you recognized the face of God in every person you meet today?

What a difference that would make!

What if you did the one thing you have feared doing and then made doing so a habit?

What a difference that could make!

What if you chose to ignore the clamor of the urgent to sit calmly in the serenity of what’s important?

Imagine the difference!

What if you decided that the person you were yesterday is not the same who woke up today and you acted as if it were true?

Now you’re cookin’!

What if you decided that failure is not an option…it is the option…and you embraced it as a trusted teacher–without fear or judgement?

Things would never be the same!

The difference is made in the little things–new thoughts, small acts, persistent faith!

What will you do differently today?

Creating momentum challenges us all at some point in our lives, doesn’t it?

Then, right when we seem to have it all “figured out,” we feel our momentum shift as we struggle to hold on to it.

The main obstacle to maintaining momentum is that too often, we try to create forward motion, while at the same time trying to keep things from changing too much.

Check out this brief 3 minute video I did on how to create momentum in real life.

(If you can’t see the video in your feed, go here to view it at YouTube)

In order to create (and maintain) momentum, we must throw off the old restraints.  We have to embrace discomfort until it becomes comfortable. We must imagine what we have never imagined before.

That’s where the hard work comes in; but at the same time, imagination and focused effort make up the playground where all the fun in life is had!

Momentum at Karmic Kappuccino

Renegades, I am SO excited about the next few months!  As I have mentioned before, I have been transitioning and clarifying the purpose of this blog, and I finally feel like we are really creating some amazing momentum.

You may not realize it right now; but we stand at the edge of extraordinary, balanced over amazing, and breathless with wonder! (so buckle yourself in for the next phase)

Based on your responses to the recent survey I conducted, I am going to continue to tweak the content I provide to you.

A few months ago, my good friend, Sherrie (the Niche Clarity Coach) encouraged me to develop videos.  Because it made me uncomfortable, I put off doing so.

Then, your responses to the survey came in! The number one request from you?

You guessed it…VIDEO!

Now, as I said, it is a little bit of a stretch for me. I have no production or visual media experience, so I guess I will be following my own advice to “embrace the discomfort” until it becomes comfortable.

That said, I’m going to be doing more video posts. I am writing and recording a very special video series for you sharing some of the main insights of my book, An Imperceptible Spark: Finding the Courage to Live a Life of Joy. 

See how nice I am?  I’m not even making your read it! (To those of you who have already read it, you get extra credit!)

So, please go to our YouTube channel, ”friend” me and subscribe so that you’ll always be alerted to new videos.

You Can Help

Here are a few ways you can help me to create more powerful video resources for you.

• Comment, Comment, Comment – Share your thoughts on YT (and/or on the blog) so that I know better what connects with you guys.
• Connect – E-mail (Steve@karmickappuccino.com) or message me with suggestions for topics or questions you would like to see videos on.
• Compartir (“to share” in Spanish. Sorry, but I wanted an alliterated list…I can be anal like that.) – Share your favorite videos on Twitter, Facebook, G+, etc., and spread the word.

I am looking forward to the next few months.  Things are really getting fun! We have spent the last six months or so building a community at this blog. Now, I am looking forward to creating even better, more powerful, content for you.

I am working on new features (like video series and a workbook to go with the “Spark” book, as well as, some other great goodies).

Your input and contributions comprise the “fuel” that powers this train. I can’t overstate the importance of your contributions and what they mean to me.  Thank you!

This interview influenced me in a profound way. I don’t know why it affected me so significantly, but I guess it’s just proof of the old maxim, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

A Unique Look At Failure

Oprah’s comments on failure affected me most.

When she said that she pays close attention to failure because she sees it as God moving her in another direction, something on the inside of me “clicked”.

We seem to universally have a strong aversion to failure, but somehow, Oprah has learned to look at failure through a different lens, and in so doing, she has created a different meaning for it.

Instead of personalizing it, she has caused it to mean that God is pointing her in the right direction.  That is powerful!

A Unique Look At a Life’s Work

Another point that really jumped out at me during this interview were her comments about the start of the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) and her fears about its future.

Her comment about the world not needing another television channel, but a different way of looking at itself made me take a second look at the work I feel compelled to.

It is true. The world doesn’t need another blog site. It doesn’t need another author. And the world definitely does not need another public speaker or coach.

Think about your own work. The world doesn’t need another ____________ (you fill in the blank).

A Unique Look at YOU!

The world does need you…desperately!

We don’t just need you to show up and punch a clock. We don’t need you to come in and fill a chair. We don’t need you to make and check off tasks on a list.

We desperately need you to show up for life! We need you to sing your song. We need you to show us a different way of looking at our world.

We need the reflection of what is possible for ourselves that we see when you live your life with purpose and passion. Only you can show us.

The task you do is irrelevant. The fact that you are here to do it and the manner in which you do it are essential.

Remember: “Every single person matters.” I need you. We all do.

Keep this in mind every minute of every day. Your perspective is necessary at this moment in time. The work you do is vital because it helps us to see ourselves and our world a little differently.

You and I make a great difference when we fulfill small tasks in a great way.

A few weeks ago, Oprah went to Facebook and was interviewed by COO, Sheryl Sandberg.

It isn’t often that we have Oprah sitting on the answer side of the questions, and she gave some really great insights.

I wanted to share them because they are observations over her amazing life journey. It doesn’t matter if you have just begun your journey or if you are already well on your way, I think that you will find these quotes insightful.

Finding Identity and Trusting Intuition

“All that you have experienced has made you who you are right now, and that is all you need.”

“It doesn’t matter how you’ve come into the world. It only matters that you are here.  Every single person matters.”

“The World will try to tell you everything about yourself.”

“You don’t have to trust someone else; you just have to trust yourself. Because no matter what they do, you know that you will do right by yourself.”

Finding Purpose

“The ‘why are you here?’ is being answered in everything you do every day.”

“We all desire the fullest, highest expression of ourselves.

“Do what stimulates you…that thing that makes you say, ‘Aha! I can do that.’ It is like you are giving back to yourself.”

“The world doesn’t need another television channel (speaking of the Oprah Winfrey Network). What the world needs is a different way of looking at itself.”

Facing Failure

“I look at failure as God moving me in a different direction, so I pay close attention.”

“There is Something greater than myself; and no matter what, I will be okay.”

Embracing Success

“We (at the Oprah show) were our greatest competition.”

“How can you be used in service to yourself and others? That is how you succeed in anything.”

“Every person you impact, you leave a heart-print—or not—and that is your legacy.”

What We All Want…

“We all want to be seen and to be heard, and every argument is about that.”

“All the arguments come down to that—Do I matter? Does this matter to you?”

“Everybody is just looking to be seen.”

The Final Word

What about you? Which of these truths resonated most with you?

What truth(es) challenged you to see yourself or your work differently?

Better yet, how do you think this truth or the insight you have gained will affect your perspective and your life’s work?

Please share your thoughts here in the comments and pass this article along by sharing it on FB, Twitter, and G+.  (In the next post, I will share some of my thoughts, so be sure to check it out).

The Shift

Did you see it?

Did you notice the shift? Maybe you haven’t noticed it, and that’s okay. That’s what this post is about.

Little by little, you may have noticed a subtle shift that has been happening at Karmic Kappuccino. I have been bringing you, the readers of this blog, through the shift with me with posts like “Breakdowns, Detours and Hitching a Ride,”  “Don’t Seize the Day…Seize the Moment,” and “Take a Flying Leap! No, Really…Jump!”

Your response has been so amazing! I feel like I’m finally starting to discover my voice and be true to my intention, and you have each helped me “tune in” by affirming what resonates with you.

In our pursuit of a life well-lived, I want to continue to build this platform to impact and change lives in a greater and greater way, and I need your help.

Would you take a few minutes and complete this survey?  There are 10 questions, and your responses will give me greater insight into how we can better support each other going forward.

Click here to take survey

Where We’ve Been…

Notice the tagline of this blog, “A Daily Shot of Inspiration”.  That’s how the blog started–generic, broad, and inspiring.

From general “inspiration,” we have moved slowly into a focus on living well…embracing the unknowns and learning to be comfortable living on the edge.

The past 5-6 months have been exciting, and I have learned so much. I have found work that thrills me. I enjoy nothing better than sitting down to write a post…not because I love writing so much (I do) but because I know that as soon as it is published, my “friends” will come over and I’ll get to talk to them about whatever is going on in my life.

As we go forward, I want to continue to provide greater and greater value to you, my readers.  I am going to be creating some great tools and some awesome freebies that will help you on your journey.

The honest truth is that I am still a novice, more or less, and really do want your input.

If you don’t have time to take it, please leave your thoughts in the comments or e-mail me at your convenience.  However, if you can take a minute now, I would certainly appreciate it.

Click here to take survey

I really appreciate the way in which each and every one of you have helped me to grow and inspired me over the last few months!  Here’s to a great wrap up to 2011 and an even more phenomenal 2012!

I could scream, I am so frustrated right now!

I nearly just blew a gasket and opened up a can of kick-a** on TSO (the significant other)!

The Set-up

We just finished watching this Livestream interview at Facebook with Oprah Winfrey, and began discussing the challenges I face in my business.

When I started this blog, I hoped that keeping it generic would appeal to a broader audience (and  ultimately, that more people would like me).

I was sharing how I realized now that this was a mistake and that I am trying to be more true to my intuition and deliver the message I am meant to give in my own unique way.

Ultimately, I had been afraid.

Afraid of speaking my mind. Afraid of what others would think if I did. Afraid that I would be misunderstood.

The Confrontation

“I don’t think that’s your problem at all!” TSO disagreed.

Instantly, my blood boiled and my toes curled in resistance. 

“Your problem is marketing,” TSO asserted. “You had the opportunity. You could have done it, but you didn’t.”‘

We were now discussing my book, An Imperceptible Spark. 

After a short acknowledgment of what a great book it is, TSO launched in to a laundry list of ways in which I had failed in the process of successfully bringing the product to market.

This quick dismissal nearly set me off!  I wanted to run away and scream all at the same time! I teetered on the edge of two of the “danger signs” in communication–withdrawal and escalation.

So I stopped for a second (mostly to try to calm myself)

Why was I filled by a blinding rage and the urge to take out TSO with a baseball bat? I wondered.

The Fundamental Human Need Revealed

The answer, I realized, lay in the fundamental human need (which was not being filled for me at the moment): we all want to be seen and heard.

I interpreted TSO’s statement and subsequent list of “you didn’ts” and “you should have’s” to mean “I didn’t listen to what you were saying, and it doesn’t matter to me. Now, here’s my point of view…”

The Wisdom of Oprah

Of course, that is not what TSO was trying to communicate, but that is the message I received.

Fortunately, I had just finished watching Oprah’s talk. Whew!

During the interview, she addressed this very issue. Here is her quote.

“We all want to be seen and to be heard, and every argument is about that.
All arguments come down to that–Do I matter? Does this matter to you?” 

Renegades, you and I are connectors, communicators and catalysts for change.

Because we work to maximize the impact of our innate talents in revealing to others their own potential, the question each of us should be asking is how can I better show others that I see them, I hear them, and that they matter?

If we live our lives, run our businesses, and engage our relationships in this way, the rest will flow.

Rant Over

Okay, my rant is done, but I have one more thing to say.

You rock!

Your presence here says, “I see you.”

Reading, re-tweeting or sharing my posts says, “I heard you.”

And your friendship tells me, “you matter.”

Each of you means so much to me. 

You and I are Renegade Souls creating unconventional lives.  We live on the edge, willing ourselves to take the leap.

As I continue to peel back the layers in my own life, I promise to bring the very best of what I have to offer and lay it all–the good, the bad, and the ugly (that may be trite, but you get the point)–out there.

It is not an easy road, but it is SO worth it. We’re on the “right track, baby”. We are forging ahead, changing lives and touching hearts as we learn to craft a life well-lived!

This past weekend was a holiday weekend in the States.  I kinda slacked off in my posting, and now I am working to get back on track.

The truth, though, is that I feel like I am kinda drifting. I should be taking my own advice, but I’m not. I should know what I’m doing, but I don’t. Instead, I feel a bit paralyzed by fear of all the things I should be doing, thinking, saying, etc.

The Tyranny of Expectations

I never realized how ingrained expectations have become in my life.  I find that everything I do comes with an attached “supposed to…”

Perhaps you can relate.

Supposed to…go to college.

Supposed to…get a good (stable) job.

Supposed to…save for retirement.

Supposed to…get married.

OR

This is how you’re supposed to write a successful blog.

This is how you’re supposed to market your business.

This is how you’re supposed to live your life.

The list of expectations goes on and on.

The Renegade Resistance

But you and I are renegades from the status quo. We push back. We question. We expect more.

I remember clearly when I drew my line in the sand. My mom was worried that I would fail in a business venture that I had undertaken, and so she warned me to be careful.

“You need to do something stable and find yourself,”  she said.

It was then I told her that I would probably never have a “normal life.”

“What if you fail?” she asked, her eyes filled with fear.

“I will try again…and again…and again,” I told her. “You never know when your next idea will be the next Twitter or Apple or YouTube.”

The Renegade’s Gift

Just as I was getting all worked up and stressed out about what I should be doing that I was supposed to be doing, I remembered the Renegade’s Gift.

This gift is for each of us who choose to chart our own course and dance to the music of our own song. The gift is that the “supposed to’s” become commentary on the lives of those who choose the normal path.

The “normal” life is not necessarily bad or wrong…but it is wrong for me (and for you).

I have a friend who has a good job he enjoys. He has a good social life and is very secure and stable. He is content with his life as it is and has no ambition to rock the boat.

That is okay…for him, but not for me. That is the beauty of life. We each get to choose exactly what we want it to be.

Trading the Stress

So I am deciding to trade in the stress of the expectations and “supposed to’s.”

I am crafting my unconventional life. I am creating the experience I want to live. I am doing things differently, and that is okay.

I invite you to join me. It is my personal mission to live life well, and I want the same for you. Over the coming months, I will be articulating what this means more clearly and encouraging you to clarify what a life “well-lived” means for you (and more importantly, identify the actions to take to create such a life).

There is no “right” way to do this, since I am creating it as I go, so you will be in on all the ups (and probably some downs). You’ll share my successes, and laugh with me at the “duds”.

But I promise you this: we will learn, we will grow and we will live an extraordinary life in the mean time!

So whatdya say? Shall we get started?

Your Opportunity

If you get these posts by e-mail, I don’t want to abuse your kindness and fill your mailbox with messages from me in which you are not interested.

If, however, you are on the edge and ready to take the plunge, or if you have already taken the plunge and can use the extra support, join the Renegade Band.

I’m going to be working hard (with your help) before the end of the year to create some awesome resources and support systems that will help you on your journey, so please pass on anything that will help you live the life you dream of living (chances are, it will help someone else too).

I’ll keep you updated on ways we can support one another and also provide you with helpful resources. As always, I will respect your e-mail privacy and will never spam you or share your e-mail address with others.

What Are Your Expectations?

Once in a while, life just explodes and all the good stuff overwhelms you.

Usually, that’s when your gut clenches with anxiety and you have thoughts like:

This is just too good to be true.

This can’t last forever.

When I started dating the Better Half (BH), things seemed to be doing well, but we had both come out of tumultuous prior relationships.

Life was handing us the good stuff, but that’s when the BH admitted, “I’m just wondering what I’m going to do to eff this up.”

Fortunately, it has been over three years and we are beyond those early days of insecurity and fear, but this experience is a good picture of what we all tend to do when life gets good.

1. We Get Fearful

2. We Expect the Worst.

Watch Your Expectations

Your expectations will lead you to your outcomes.  Be careful what you expect from life, it will generally give you what you expect of it.

Today, I’m blogging at my friend Melody’s blog, Deliberate Receiving.  Please take a minute to check out my article about what to do when life gives you everything you want.

We all spend our lives fantasizing and dreaming about what we want, but then when those things show up, we get paralyzed and sometimes sabotage the good.

Drawing a Blank

I didn’t know what to write today. (That’s why this post is publishing in the middle of the day).

I have been writing lots of guest posts for other bloggers recenly, but then when I sat down to write for Karmic Kappuccino, I drew a blank.

Hate when that happens!

Why was it easy for me to write for other blogs, yet struggle with writing for my own?

The answer?

The reason that you struggle with direction in your life, or the reason that you struggle with knowing which direction to take is always clarity!

It’s so simple, and yet that is why it can be so frustrating.

My Mistake

For the past several weeks I have been struggling (internally) with my mission with Karmic Kappuccino. Why?

Clarity, of course.

I launched this site as a “daily shot of inspiration”.

Who did I want to reach? What did I want to say to them? Why would they care? I did not have real answers.

I even wrote and published An Imperceptible Spark  without sufficient clarity.

Why We Fear Getting Clear

This weekend, I was sitting at dinner with my better half when it happened. The question was asked and hung suspended in the air, like Neo from a scene in the Matrix. 

What did you plan to do with your book once it was written?

Time caught up.

WHACK!

It felt like I’d been sucker punched in slow motion. Instantly I was my shy, insecure, 8 year-old self again. I felt scared.  I didn’t want to look stupid.

I don’t know. I can’t believe it. What do I say? My mind raced

The truth.

“I didn’t really have a plan,” I admitted, “at least not a good enough one.

Ahh…Clarity!

It’s what’s missing.

What have you been struggling with? Be brave and get clear about it.  It will definitely take hard work. You will need guts and determination. Do it anyway.

You are a secret renegade, and you are a winner. What choice do you have?

Let It Go!

Today I learned a valuable lesson from Bernadette Jiwa and Tara Gentile. (you really need to check out their video)

 Don’t hold anything to be too precious…(it’s) all about iterating.
Hold on to your mission. Hold on to your purpose.
Hold on to your why, and let everything else go.  - Tara Gentile

What a relief!

If you haven’t had clarity until now (or if you still lack it), that’s okay.

Work to bring greater clarity to your purpose and your work. As you do, remember that there are no sacred cows. You can let everything go.

Sing Your Soul’s Song!

When a singer trains, he or she must learn to release the tension in the throat, solar plexus and entire body in order to sing well.

It’s okay to release everything–all your tension, worries, insecurities–in order to sing your soul’s song!

We are waiting breathlessly–expectantly–for you to lift us up and let us soar with you.

I hear the view is great and I can’t wait to see what you see! (Please don’t keep us waiting long.)

Image: Gloire

Did I get your attention with that title?

Thought so.

There are so many bits of adage, wisdom and cliché that we accept as truth. And that’s not bad…necessarily.

A lot of our cliches started as a way to express truth and they have become our collective, conventional wisdom.

That’s where the problem lies, as I point out in a special guest post for my friend, Michelle Shaeffer’s blog.

Once wisdom becomes conventional, it is time to re-think and challenge the status quo.

Please hop over to Michelle’s great site and check it out!

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Aristotle

This is one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given.

It was in the beginning stage of writing my book, An Imperceptible Spark. Insecurity about my ability to complete the manuscript and launch the final project gripped me.

I complained to a friend about my uncertainty over a particular chapter I was writing.  I was afraid that it would rub people the wrong way. I was concerned that people would misread my intentions and criticize what I had written.

Great Advice!

That’s when my friend spoke up. “Steve,” he said, “we always know what to do. We may be afraid to do it, but we always know.”

I have to admit at first my mind rebelled.

That’s not always true, I thought.

Then I realized my mind was trying to defend its disability.

How Does This Help You?

Whenever you are faced with a tough situation and you are unsure of how to respond, stop.

Remember this advice: You always know what to do.

Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”

Whether it is someone else’s opinion or unexpected consequences to taking action, the thing you fear is what holds you back.

What are you holding back from doing today?

All great things are simple,
and many can be expressed in single words:
freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.

Sir Winston Churchill

A few years ago, I spent the July 4th holiday (US Independence Day) with family on the lake.

We pulled the boat into a lagoon to swim, but the anchor was not heavy enough to hold the boat in place. Consequently, the boat “bobbed” on the water surface as the waves passed and the anchor “jumped” along the bottom of the lake.

The purpose of the anchor on a boat is to keep it from moving forward.  Sometimes we anchor our lives with all sorts of ineffective beliefs and emotions that hold us back.

What’s Holding You Back?

Sometimes it is really easy to answer this question with superficial response.

“Fear of failure,” we say.  Or, “fear of what others will think.”

These are valid fears, but I have found that even when I recognize my fears, it takes real work to mine down far enough to find what is really keeping me from moving forward.

Keys For Moving Forward

1. Identify the Anchor – call it out. This takes a lot of introspection and quiet time, but you must do it. Take the time to quiet your space and your mind and hone in on what paralyzes you.

2. Create a Different Vision – Notice how you are envisioning your life now and consciously create a new vision for your life going forward.

3. Focus on Belief – What do you believe about your life and the obstacles you face? You must confront these beliefs and change them.

The work is not easy. But that’s the good news!  Most people won’t do the work it takes to be great.

You will.  Then, when they laud you and admire what you have accomplished, you will stand tall.

When they say, “I wish I had your luck,” you’ll simply smile as you remember the twists and turns it took to get to the mountaintop.

Questions For Discussion:

So what about you?

What’s is holding you back?

Better yet, what are you believing about what is holding you back?

(That’s probably where the real obstacle lies anyway)

Please share your thoughts and insights in the comments.  Would also appreciate it if you would share on FB, Twitter, G+ and Stumble this post.

Image Attribution

Think back over all the things that you have learned, seen and done in your life. Is there one lesson that sticks out? Is there one thing–one idea–that impacted you in such a way that it really transformed how you live day to day?

I share that lesson in my post today for Stacy’s blog at Grow With Stacy. Would love it if you’d pop over to her site and give it a read and then share it on FB or Twitter.

This is probably the most important–yet practical–self-esteem building lesson I’ve ever learned. It transformed the way I see myself and how I think about what is possible for me.  Check it out!

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend.

Albert Camus

Once you stand at the edge of life and decide to take the leap of faith, you have to change perspective.

Today, I posted about this change of perspective at my friend, Sherrie Koretke’s blog.  Sherrie is the Niche Clarity Coach and helps business owners identify and clarify their niche in order to be able to overcome the obstacles that they face.

When you make major changes in life, it requires a major shift in perspective.  In order to create the life you want and the business that you deserve, you will need to think about crafting a “new-paradigm” business.

Please take the time to jump over to Sherrie’s blog and give me your thoughts.

One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger
and try to run away from it.
If you do that, you will double the danger.
But if you meet it promptly and without flinching,
you will reduce the danger by half.

Sir Winston Churchill

Sometimes when you’re out on the edge it can feel like you’re actually out on a ledge. There is a difference…

On The Edge

Life at the Edge is one of power and control. You may still feel the terror of uncertainty, but when you are on the Edge you are self-determinate.

This is where the “leapsters” (those who make taking a leap of faith a habit) hang out. The energy and enthusiasm are high out on the Edge.

On The Ledge

Someone who is out on the Ledge, is “back against a wall.”

They see no other way out. Life has pushed them to the edge–of breaking–and they tenuously balance on the Ledge to keep from falling into the unknown.

Life on the Edge vs. the Ledge

Life on the Edge is characterized by the forward momentum of the pending leap. Life on the Ledge is characterized by a paralyzing fear of the unknown.

Life on the Edge calls us to embrace uncertainty and leap into the unknown. Life on the Ledge causes us to resist uncertainty and grip what is behind in order not to fall away from what is familiar.

The Takeaway

The cool thing is that if you’re on the Ledge, you can choose to move onto the Edge at any moment.

If you’re on the Edge already, what are you waiting for? Jump!

Questions for Conversation:

Are you on the Ledge or the Edge?

If you are on the Ledge, how can you move to the Edge?

If you are on the Edge, what keeps you from leaping?

If you have leaped, trust yourself. It’s called a leap of faith for a reason!

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I believe that freedom is the deepest need of every human soul.

George W. Bush

Poet Robert Burns first said “The best-laid plans of Mice and Men oft go awry.” 

And that apply describes my plans on  posting this week.  So, first let me apologize to my readers for neglecting my obligation to you.

You have come to expect that I will post articles on Tuesday and Thursday with motivational quotes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Today is Wednesday and you may have noticed there was no post on Tuesday.  It wasn’t for lack of intent…but as the poet says, our plans often go “awry”.

I am in Kansas City this week doing publicity for my book. 

On Monday I had a great radio discussion with the hosts of “The Prosperous Life” show on Unity.fm. (My show is “The Courage to Live a Life of Joy” if you want to hear our discussion).

On Saturday, I will be doing a book reading/signing event at the Broadway Church at 3 p.m.  So, this week is going to be a bit hectic.

I promise to get back on schedule when I get back to Wisconsin early next week.  I am also doing some major planning and evaluation of my blog, my business (and my life in general).  I am really excited about the future and some exciting things I’ll be rolling out to you guys first here at Karmic Kappuccino.

In the mean time, I hope you have as great a week as I am.  Live it well!

Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We only know of one duty, and that is to love.

Albert Camus

It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead.
The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.

Sir Winston Churchill

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

Sir Winston Churchill

Most people hopscotch through life.

Sometimes we dare to take a little skip or a small hop.

If you’re going to jump, why not LEAP?

And if you’re going to leap, why not take an “all-in”, big, fat, balsy, flying leap?

Jump Already!

20% might jump. Maybe 10% will take a leap. 1% will take a flying leap.

Now’s your time to decide.  Be the 1%.

Take the Plunge!

Ready? Take a deep breath.

Back up from the edge so you can get a running head start.

Go! Don’t hold back!

Leap!

Look at you now.

See? Your heart rate is back to normal.

Check out the view.  Amazing, huh?

Feel that? It’s called freedom!

Yep, that’s right. It’s all you, baby.

And you are soaring! (told you it’s worth it)

Questions for Conversation:

1. What’s holding you up? (it’s fear, no matter what you call it, btw)

2. Will the fear still be there if you do jump?

3. Why not go for it? (any variation of “can’t” isn’t the right answer to this question)

And finally…one question, four words.

What will you do?

It’s the only one that matters anyway.

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that
within me there lay an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

There is a horrible addiction that enslaves us all.

It is an addiction to getting.

Getting is like a drug. We chase it as if our lives depend on it. We get education, positions, and power. We chase goals and guidelines and to-do lists.

Constantly chasing the next “hit” from the newest accolade or recognition, we become manic in our attempt to fill the emptiness of our spirits with activity.

Summa Cum Laude. Ahhh!

Employee of the Month.  Yes!

Salesperson of the Year.  Oh, yeah!

The hit is delivered and the urge to use subsides…for now.

Getting…is an addictive, one-sided act by which we try
to fill our emptiness by having life come to us.
- Mark Nepo
from The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life.

Getting is selfish. We think that life will not come to us on its own accord and so we must induce it to come (by setting goals, filling quotas, and filling forecasts).

I realized that my addiction to “getting” (blog readers/book sales/speaking gigs) is driven by my fear of what I think is missing. What about you?

Check-in at the Methadone Clinic

I used to work in a hospital that had a Methadone clinic which treated patients who had become addicted to pain medication.  Methadone is a synthetic pain reliever that is used (among other things) to help patients through the detox process.

Now, I wouldn’t throw you into detox without some guidance, so here’s your “Methadone.”

The flow of life energy is based upon the natural process of giving and receiving.

Once you free yourself of the addiction of getting and embrace the process of giving and receiving, you will find that all the other things you were so busy trying to get come to you naturally by the process of receiving.

When you abandon the “getting” grind and calm your soul, you will find that you are able to give and receive naturally.

As long as you remain in the hamster-wheel of chasing the “hit,” you hold yourself suspended from the ability to receive what you truly desire.

Freedom from the Addiction

How can we break free from the addiction?

Suspend the need.

What if you suspended the need to be or do anything that all the obsessive “getting” is driving you to be or do?

Do you feel that? Is your heart racing, yet? Do you feel your breathing speeding up and getting more shallow?

Chill out!  *slaps your face*

That is just drama and you’re the queen of the castle!

Get a hold of yourself!

Just remember…you are an addict, but you can defeat this by remembering and embracing the natural state of giving and receiving.

Remember this final advice from The Exquisite Risk

When alone and out of touch with all that matters,
give your attention to anything, quickly and fully,
and the Universe, which has always been near,
will come rushing back to fill you.

Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The price of greatness is responsibility.

Sir Winston Churchill

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Sir Francis Bacon

Ugh!?!

There’s a rattling in the engine.

Or, the car dips to one side and swerves with a “thunk-thu-thunk” sound as it slows to a stop on the side of the road.

Remember the last time you were stranded on the road.

Were you angry? Frustrated? Fearful?

We have all been there and it sucks!

Sidelined on the Highway of Life

Sometimes when we pursue our dreams, we end up on the side of the road of life. You courageously embrace your dream and jump into the unknown. You take the risk that everyone warns you not to take.

At first, you are filled with euphoria. Birds chirp. The sun shines brightly and clouds seem to split wherever you appear.

Then you hit an unexpected bump, the tire deflates and you find yourself standing by your dream on the side of life’s highway.

Do you become angry? Frustrated? Fearful?

Moving Off the Sideline

How you respond to the detour determines your future.

Heady stuff? Absolutely!

Yes, I believe that life is what you make it, but you also have to face things as they are.

You can’t afford to allow your deeper vocation (calling) to be shaken by external circumstances.

1. You Gotta Keep Moving, Don’t Wallow in the Drama

When you find yourself sidelined on the highway of life, you have to keep moving. Yes, of course, take the time to replace the tire or repair the engine, but then get moving again.

Don’t let momentum die with your adverse circumstances. That is how most people respond to the adversity of life, but you are not “most people.”

2. Bumps in the Road Aren’t About You (so don’t make it personal)!

Acknowledge what has happened, but don’t give it undue merit. Adverse circumstances may come to you, but resist the temptation to dwell in the drama.  It’s okay recognize and acknowledge what has happened, but don’t make it personal by saying things like “that’s just my luck” or “things like this always happen to me.”

That’s bullsh*t! “Stuff” happens to everyone. That’s life.

The incident has nothing to do with you; your reaction to it has everything to do with you. 

The incident is a reflection of life and your thoughts up until that point, but it does not define your future. It is a reflection of your past. Don’t dwell on it.  Let it be, and let it flow through your experience.  Always remember that circumstances are fluid.

Your thoughts now are creating your future, so don’t allow yourself to wallow in negativity. Keep the momentum going and keep your eye on the prize.  The current circumstances in which you find yourself have nothing to do with your destination. They are merely bumps on the road.

Don’t Fear the Detours

Detours will happen in life. That’s okay. Don’t make them “bad,” instead, recognize that they are just a re-direction. You are still headed in the right direction. Trust the destination, and you will find the strength to face life’s uncertainties.

Big dreams require big focus and extraordinary courage.

I embraced a big dream (for me, it seemed huge at the time) of writing and publishing my first book.  I achieved that dream, but then hit the “what next?” phase as I began to market the book.

I have had to really look down inside myself to clarify my message and my purpose. I have had to face my weaknesses and grow. You guys have been here for the ride and I hope you’ll continue with me.

Be Willing to Hitch A Ride

Recently, though, I have found myself on the side of the highway of life again, with my thumb extended, trying to hitch a ride for me and my dream!

Over the next few months, I’ll be working a temporary/seasonal job as I continue to hone my blogging skills and build a stronger and more-profitable speaking and writing business.

At first, it seems kinda scary to “go back” into the work force. I don’t know why, but there’s some shame of not being able to “make it” to immediate and unquestioned success, financially.  It’s maybe a bit embarrassing to be “hitchhiking” with a traditional job.

The cool thing is that I am even more sure of my dream and I am even more committed to my purpose than I knew I was, however. I am absolutely sure that giving hope and helping others to live well is exactly what I am meant to do.

This realization gives me great courage and great strength as I continue down this path…by way of a bit of detour, but ultimately, headed in the right direction!

Questions for Conversation:

What about you?

When have you faced “detours” in life, have you struggled with embarrassment when you had to “re-set”?

Do you tend to beat yourself up when you fail to meet your dreams exactly as you plan?

Have you been able to continue in the right direction despite these feelings?

How did things turn out in the long run?

Let’s chat about it.

Image: pakorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.

Aristotle

As children, we are taught not to fall. When we start to walk, we are encouraged to “be careful and not fall.”

When we learn to ride a bike, we depend on training wheels so we do not fall while we are learning to balance on two wheels.

All around us are safety nets–societal and self-constructed–which protect us from falling.

Protected from Potential

What are we really protected from when we are kept from falling? What would happen if we fell more?

It doesn’t matter how our falling down is brought about,
it almost always offers us an opportunity for transformation

-Mark Nepo  

The most powerful transformation follows the most dramatic fall.

Are you fallen? Are you bruised? Have you been trampled?

Remember how a majestic oak rising tall and strong toward heaven, once fell an acorn to the soil.

Grapes, ripe, fall and are trampled, rising wine to quench thirst and make hearts merry.

Rose petals fall bruised and are crushed and rise a potent fragrance.

The seed of your greatest moment may lie in where and how you have fallen.

The phoenix falls and is reborn from the ashes of the flame that consumes it.

Questions for Conversation:

How have the “falls” you have taken precipitated the transformation that you have experienced in your life?

Has a significant fall led to unexpected success?

If a fall has left you deflated, how can you embrace the fall and rise, transformed?

I would love to chat with you about your experiences.

Image: Mindy McGregor / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hope is a waking dream.

Aristotle

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, ‘I’m with you kid. Let’s go.’

Maya Angelou

Synopsis:

The Art of Earning-Because Making Money Should Be Beautiful by Tara Gentile is a refreshing new look at the business of commerce.

This is an 80-page manifesto that describes how to make money beautifully and why it is so important to do so.

“The aim of this book is to radically reframe your experience and relationship
to money by reprogramming what you’ve been taught about passion & profit.”

The book is not a “how-to”  or step-by-step guide to making money. Instead, The Art of Earning addresses common beliefs we hold about earning and money in general.

Although the focus of the book is creative business owners (artists and artisans), the principles discussed are vital for anyone looking to transition their business effectively and live profitably in the “New Economy.”

This New Economy is the expression of a transition from the Information Age to an age where products of “depth and meaning” are highly-sought and valued.

My Review

I loved this book because it was a real life-changer for me.  It delivered it’s promise to “reframe” and challenge my beliefs about money, business and earning.

I also appreciated Tara’s ability to connect the art of creating in the world and the result–earning–as the natural flow of creative energy. Although her book is focused on earning, it is not a treatise on consumerism. In fact, she states quite the opposite.

“Hoarding wealth is never positive. It puts money in chains and
makes you a slave to the dollar…Earning more doesn’t
have to mean consuming more” 

The thing I most like about Tara’s work is that it seems a balanced view of capitalist pursuit. Often we have a negative view of out-of-control money-making. Tara asserts that when we serve our customers and give them more than we receive in return, earning becomes beautiful, creative and fun.  We are providing value and worth!

As I said, this book was a life-changer for me. It lived up to what it promised, so much so, that it is the first product I have chosen to endorse on my site.

Let me emphasis again that this is not a “how-to”  guide.  But if you are looking for a guide that will make you think, challenge your beliefs, and give you the raw materials to re-frame your creative business endeavors, this is your book!

To find out more or to purchase Tara’s book, you can click the image below or the link in the sidebar of this site.

For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.

Aristotle

Most of us are familiar with the expression Carpe Diem…Seize the Day…but most of us have no idea where it came from.

When we put it in context, we better understand the meaning of the expression.

Carpe is Latin (which you probably know) meaning to “seize, pluck or gather”.

This expression comes from a longer passage from the poet, Horace. Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – “Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future.”

Jesus said it another way, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” Matthew 6:34

This morning I read the following passage from Mark Nepo’s The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life.

Our job as human beings, then, is to be born again each instant
and to die again each instant.

Are you so busy seizing the future that you’re losing today? If so, I would remind you of the second half of the expression and encourage you to seize each moment. Enjoy each second and squeeze from it all the life you can!

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Sir Francis Bacon

(This is a love letter of sorts to you, my readers)

Dear Your Name, (I know that doesn’t really go, but work with me and personalize it)

This will be almost stream-of-consciousness. I don’t usually do that…in fact, I don’t think I ever have.

I really respect the time you take to read this blog and engage with me and so I do not take it for granted. That said, I usually spend quite a bit of time and thought preparing and articulating my ideas in the posts I publish.

However, tonight (it’s about 11:48 p.m.) my intuition–or that last piece of pepperoni pizza–tells me to do something a little bit differently. I’m going to write very personally…from my heart, and I hope it does not come across as self-indulgent, because I’m imagining that it is just you and I sitting here silently with a cup of tea or coffee. This is what I would say…

You and I spend a lot of time on this site talking about our minds and personal development and embracing life.  We discuss pursuing our dreams…heck, we actually share our dreams sometimes here.

But what about the valleys? What about when you can’t present the “happy” face to the world? What about when you feel like you’ve kinda been kicked in the gut?

It’s generally my style to share some experiences or tips or advice, but I’m going to hold back and just do something kinda counter-intuitive (well, at least it would seem that way, but since I’m following my intuition, maybe it is all intuitive).

Please Remember…

That life is cyclical and circumstances flow like a river through our lives.

That you can let the “debris” flow out with the river and allow the cycle off life to cleanse you.

That you are strong as an oak and the river doesn’t move the oak, it nourishes it at the roots–even if you can’t see it.

That someone is sitting under the shade of your branches.

That someone looks up into your canopy with wonder and awe.

That all the knots in your trunk make the most beautiful, seasoned planks when they are sanded and finished.

That imperfections are okay.

That the only thing expected of you is what you came here to do: live and grow.

That’s all. Nothing more.

You survive and you are standing, still at the side of the river. Silent testament of strength. It is enough. Take a deep breath. Remember. Smile.

That’s all you have to do today. Be you. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Much Love,

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

Living With Joy

Have you ever sat at your desk at work, dreaming of the job you would do if you could just “get away from here”?

Or have you dreamed blissfully of wining the “jackpot” as you gather dollar bills in the office lottery ticket pool? (I mean, somebody’s gotta win, right?)

This weekend, I met a new friend who got a degree, obtained his first job in his chosen career field and desperately realized, “Oh, my gosh, I can’t do this the rest of my life! I hate it.”

Can you relate? Have you been there? We all have, at some point or another.

We all want to live a joyful life, but most of us are unwilling to take the risk.

Holding Back vs. Settling

I am reading Mark Nepo’sThe Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life (Amazon Affiliate Link). In the book he talks about the idea of holding back. Since I had just written (and been thinking) about the topic of settling, it made me really think about the distinction between the two.

This quote from the book really jumped out at me.

“I learned that holding nothing back unlocks the wonder
and the soft underside of experience we briefly know as joy.”

Settling is holding back with intention. It is mindfully choosing a path of greater resistance because of the fear of the flow of life.

Holding back is often an unconscious, programmed response to the circumstances of life. In our societal conditioning, we are giving duplicitous input.

On one hand, we are taught to “go all out” and “leave it all on the floor” (for instance, in sporting or classroom endeavors–places where there are built in controls). On the other hand, we are then told not to do anything too “risky” or not to take “foolish chances” (in less-structured endeavors such as career design and development).

The Determinate Choice

And so we meet what I call the “determinate choice.” This is the decision that will largely determine the quality of life that we lead.

Holding nothing back–allowing life to flow unimpeded–exposes the “soft underside” of our experience of joy. Joy is a choice, but it also requires vulnerability. It requires exposure to the powerful pulse of life flowing through your experience.

The Happy Consequence

The fear we harbor toward deciding on joy lies in our terror of losing (or releasing) control. We look to life for some guarantee of joy in exchange for our perceived lack of control.

Joy is not gained by transaction, but rather as a result of a specific decision

The Final Calculation

You choose. You can live a life of joy…or not. It really is that simple.

But it isn’t easy. If you decide on joy, you will be asked (no, required) to expose yourself, to life and other people, in a way that you may not have ever experienced.

You will need to dig deeper than you have ever dug to produce authenticity void of duplicity.

Hidden Treasure

The treasure you will uncover will make it all worthwhile. I guarantee you. For you will find that in exposing your “soft underside,” you have found fulfillment, purpose and a strength that will be a deep root holding you firm through any storm.

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

Maya Angelou

Have you ever had one of those “What the h*ll was I thinking?” nights?

(if you can’t see the video, watch it here)

The reason it sucks so badly when you wake up the next morning is because you are suddenly faced with the fact that you have settled for “less than”

The pain of settling

Think back to a time when you realized that you had settled for less in some area of your life.

Was it by clinging to an unhealthy relationship rather than face the pain and uncertainty of starting over?

Did you take the job offer, knowing you would hate the work, because it was steady income and was “secure”?

Did you pursued the degree that was “sensible” rather than the one that made your heart sing and thrilled you to pursue it.

Fear held a death grip on your heart. I know. Other people confirmed your decision as the “smart choice” or the “sensible thing to do.”

“Don’t do anything risky,” they warned.

You felt safe. Secure. Stable. You could breathe easily, but soon a persistent nagging began in your spirit. The anxiety had subsided; yet in its place, rose frustration born of indifference and apathy.

My friend, we have all been there. Eagerly acceptingthe daily crumbs offered by life. They represent security and are just enough to let us squeak by until the next ration

You are not a beggar any more…you can have the whole loaf!

A little over four months ago, I refused the crumbs of life and started to reach for the whole loaf. It was the beginning of March that I launched Karmic Kappuccino in order to honor my purpose: to give hope to others.

I have learned a whole lot about how not to build a blog site. I have learned even more about why to build it, and I have gained something I never really expected to gain, which is worth all the effort–your readership, respect and admiration.

You all inspire me every day when I turn on my computer to read your thoughts and insights. You make me better. Thank you.

You do not have to just live. You can live well! We are in this together, you and I. I may be a step or two ahead of you as I hold the light up so you can see, but we are on the same path.

It’s time to ramp it up, though!

No more excuses. You didn’t come here with your life’s time bank on a fixed income in order to squander it. You came to spend your time currency lavishly. You can’t overdraw on your life’s bank account, so what’s the hold back? Spend it like it won’t be there tomorrow….because it won’t!

**Did you get that?!?**

Life’s short! You only have this very minute. Don’t sweat yesterday, it doesn’t exist. Don’t sweat tomorrow, you don’t have it yet.

Live today, and live it well!

Do I seem like I’ve gotten a bee buzzing around in my bonnet (figuratively, of course…I don’t do drag…much…if I’m sober…nevermind, don’t ask questions)?

I’ve enjoyed every minute of the last 4 months!  I have enjoyed chatting with you, sharing my struggles with you and inspiring you. But I started to get all comfy. I saw a little success and before I knew it, I was starting to sigh contentedly. I don’t want to settle any more…ever!

So, in the next few months, I’ll be ramping up what I do here at the KK Blog.  Meaning, I plan to up my writing game, attract new visitors and readers, and produce some kick-a** tools to help you live your life better (I almost said “more well).

Are you one of the silent 1,000?

So my question is…what do you want?!?

Yeah…I’m talking to you!  I know you’re out there! (Thank you, Google Analytics).

There are over 1,000 readers of this blog (people who view more than one page and spend a minute or more on the site per visit…I assume you’re reading. If you’re not, I probably don’t want  to know)

The problem is, you are silent….and that’s okay for the most part. But on this post, I need you to chime in!

You can see over to the right here, the friendly faces of the ten people (other than me) who blab the most here.  I’m really thankful for them, or I would feel like I was just talking to myself. (If you haven’t checked out their blogs, this would be a great time to do so…of course after you finish reading this post!)

As much as I appreciate the 10 or so of you who regularly join the conversation, I need the input of the other 999% of you!

What do you need?

If you’re coming to the KK Blog, I assume it is to get some inspiration.  That’s all fine and dandy, but if you aren’t inspired to something, then it’s kinda a waste.

So my question is, what type of information would help you to step up your game? What information or advice would help you to live well?

Do you need guidance getting started creating your dream life? Do you have a clear picture of what you want to accomplish but lack the focus? Are you stuck in a rut? Do you need some inspiration or motivation to get started/keep going/take the next step? What is it you need?

I need you to tell me!

Please give it some thought over the next few days.  Leave a comment here. I’m just initiating the conversation, but I would love to get a really clear picture of what would be beneficial to you all going forward. It is going to be my goal to produce the most powerful, life-changing tools for you as we continue down this trek together.

WHEW!  That was the longest post in KK Blog history! Thanks for sticking with me, but don’t forget to give your input in the form of a comment.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.
As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.

Henry David Thoreau

I just recognized a horrible thought pattern that I have adopted.  Now that I am aware of it, I can change it; but I wanted to bring it to the attention of my readers, because I suspect you may also have adopted this “thought-trap” and not even be aware of it.

Thought-Traps

On this site, I try to bring you inspiring posts and quotes that will make you think.

I also want to bring value to you by giving you “real” life examples of techniques and methods that I discover and implement which are effective to me.

So…what is this thought pattern?

Negative Expectations

I have adopted a pattern of assuming that a breakthrough in my life (on any level) is not just around the corner.

For example, I don’t expect to get some unexpected exposure for my blog, resulting in a huge jump in my readership. I don’t expect feedback for my book to go viral on Twitter and result in the sale of a thousand books in a day. I don’t expect that I will meet a mentor who will radically challenge the way I live and lead me to financial independence.

Do you see my pattern? Let me ask you a question.

What are YOU expecting of your life?

Do you tend to expect things to continue status quo? Are you surprised by the unexpected? Do you fear that things might change?

If you have fallen into these thought traps, you are holding at bay–through your thoughts and emotions–the very things you may be drawing toward you through desire. So before you stress out because things aren’t falling into place “as expected,” let me again ask, “What are you expecting?”

It is infinitely more easy to expect things to work out. It’s  much more easy to assume that the right resources will appear exactly on time. It may take a little practice to shift your thinking, but it’s so much easier.

Then you can go through life and invest your energy in your work and your creation instead of wasting it on expectations that may (or may not) be fulfilled.

Would you please tweet this and share on Facebook using the buttons and the tweet box below?  I would also really appreciate if you would share it on LinkedIn with your professional network.  Thank you.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor Frankl

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestioned ability of a man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.

Henry David Thoreau

Take action!  Make an effort!
Just do it and see where your life can take you!

I had an amazing opportunity this morning. I had my first session with Sherrie Kortke, the Niche Clarity Coach. Sherrie is uniquely gifted as an intuitive business coach.  It was really amazing how she was able to use intuition and really zero in on the challenges I am facing in my business.

She said something in this morning’s session that I have been thinking about all day, and I want to share it with you. I think her advice can be of value to you as well.

We were talking about my book and my purpose–to give hope to people–and Sherrie gave me this great advice:

Bring more of yourself out from behind all the stuff!

This was really poignant to me and I thought it might be to you as well.  What good thing is obstructing our view of your greatness?

Sherrie helped me realize that I’ve been focused on some really good things like writing and marketing a book and launching a speaking career.  But in the midst of all that busyness, my greatness has been obstructed.

You are uniquely great. There is something only you can do in a way that only you can do it.

What is that thing?  Are you doing it? Are you doing something else and obstructing your true self behind it?

Bring yourself to the forefront and do not be afraid to shine. This is your day. You were born for this moment and for this life. Live it well!  Extend yourself in the reach of your grandest version of yourself.

Don’t struggle for greatness. You already are great. Just step out of your own way and enjoy the view from the mountain top!

NOTE: If you’d like to schedule a consultation or a reading with Sherrie, please visit her website here!

Please share this post on Facebook and Twitter…it is really easy using the buttons and tweet box below.  Thanks.

Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human.

Viktor Frankl

The other day, I posted the following paragraph on the wall of a Facebook group to which I belong:

May I remind you today…in the quiet moment between activities to remember your greatness? You were born to play “large” and never settle.

You came here to leave your mark and change the world. And you are doing so by your simple presence. Because you exist, you are sufficient, whole and needless.

Remember that! (If you listen carefully, your soul will tell you)

What We Forget

Sometimes we just forget what our purpose is.  Sometimes we never uncover it in the first place.

We forget that we are unique.

We forget that we are important and essential to this moment in time.

We see ourselves small, so we forget to play big. We forget that we are not just allowed to do so, but we are compelled to do so.

We forget that others watch us for an example. We forget our own influence and potential.

The Art of Remembering

So it is more than important to remember–it is vital!  Your life–that passionate, intentional, focused, you–depends on it.

What have you forgotten to remember?

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

Henry David Thoreau

For me, tuning in to intuition was one of the biggest challenges of my life. I was always a chronic self-doubter. It’s much like tuning in to a frequency on a radio. It is takes some adjustment and some effort to “fine tune” the reception.

Trusting Intuition

Trusting intuition has become more than trusting my own intention and vision. A secondary front in this effort has emerged: holding on to faith when the support around me is crumbling.

Have you ever experienced this? I’m not talking about the naysayers.

But what do you do when your supporters begin ratcheting up pressure? What do you do when those who have been your encouragement become impatient with the process which is unfolding?

How do you maintain your faith and connection to what you know to be the right path when you can’t see the way and the pressure is on?

I feel stress. I feel anxiety. I feel a need to try to control the situation and make it all “work out” to the other person’s satisfaction.

I know that’s probably the opposite of what I should be doing. I should be allowing the process to unfold. I should relax. I should take it easy. But it’s not easy…at least for me.

Concern Often Equals Love

At the same time, I know that the concern and pressure I feel from the other people around me is intense love. It is their deep concern for my success and well-being that causes them to become so intense.

I have to recognize, though, that they have a certain representation of “success” and certain expectations that may or may not line up with my intention.

Hearing Intuition and Holding Intention

That is the big challenge of learning to hear my own intuition. Can I hold on to my intention when those (who I love and who love me) around me are questioning, doubting and turning up the heat?  Can I stay tuned in to my internal guidance?

What do you do to hold strong in this situation? What have you found that helps you to be able to still produce through the pressures that come at you?  I would love to hear your input in the comments below.

Also, I would appreciate it if you would tweet this out and share on Facebook! Thank you.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Henry David Thoreau

Do you yearn for extraordinary success? Pursue your dreams with uncommon courage and persistence and just wait and see what happens!

What is your passion? What do you bring to the table of life? What are the gifts you offer?

A wise counselor once told me: When you find your passion, you will find your purpose.

The Power of Your Innate Gifts

In the past, I have short-changed myself by holding a diminished view of the value of what I have to offer. It is easy to quantify academic degrees. It’s easy to measure skills with certificates and diplomas.

What about innate gifts and talents? What about intuitive abilities? What about creativity, spontaneity, and flexibility?

What of the ability to believe in the inherent worth and value of another so strongly that they can start to see it themselves?

If I were cornered and had to identify my strongest ability, that would be it. I am able to see the good in others…the strengths and the potential…even if they can’t see it or recognize it themselves.

To me it is so clear, that I have absolute faith in this potential. Often, all it takes is unbending faith for someone to start to believe–even just a little bit–in their own potential for greatness.

The Value of Your Innate Gift!

What do you have to offer the world? The value of your gift comes from the estimation of the receiver, not the giver (you).  Your value is inestimable–it is inherent and you are irreplaceable. But the value of your gift is to those whose lives it touches.

The exercise of your gift is  not difficult. It flows with ease. This is why it is easy to discount it as worthless or insignificant. It is the opposite. Your gift is vital.

Someone today needs your words of encouragement, advice or warning.

You must disconnect the value of your gift from the ease from which it flows from you. You have to realize that without the exercise of your gift, someone’s life will be deeply affected.

What will you do? How will you embrace your gift and bring it to the world with greater force and impact?

Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.

Viktor Frankl

You matter!

For the last several weeks, the country has been largely captivated by the trial of Casey Anthony for the murder of her daughter.  I haven’t watched any of the coverage for a few reasons: number one, I am not really interested; number two, I don’t really care to have my mind filled with all of the sordid details.

Judging Casey…

It has made me think, though. The discussion I have seen has been the incredulity of various pundits and commentators basically saying, “She’s guilty. Throw her in jail and throw away the key!”

I don’t know if she’s guilty or not; and because I haven’t been exposed to any of the evidence, I am not really in a position to form an opinion one way or another.

Making Judgments

I was thinking about this earlier today and wondered, what drives us to need to judge someone?

Why do we get so obsessed with cases like these to the point that we will invest hours of our lives and so much energy into it?

The only answers I could come up with were things like a need for justice to be served, a need to find out the truth, etc.

Here are some alternate questions:

Why?

Why does it matter?

What does it actually have to do with me?

Living a Judgeless Life

What if we lived without judgment? (refusing to judge ourselves or others)

What if we allowed our life circumstances to flow without having to categorize and quantify them?

What if we realized that life is not personal and there’s never a reason to take it personally?

What if we realized that most of what occurs in life has very little to do with us, personally?

How would that make things different? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Men are born to succeed, not fail.

Henry David Thoreau

This weekend, I watched the X-men First Class movie. It was thoroughly entertaining and even thought-provoking. I uncovered some great life lessons from the first class of X-men.

What lesson can you learn form the X-men movie? You may wonder. The obvious answer would be “to be yourself,” and that’s the simple and evident message.

It made me think of something else.  The movie tells the back story of the various X-men characters.

We get to see what impacted the development of their character.

We see the decision points that made them and the decisions that molded the destinies of their lives–for good or evil.

What is your back story? What are the decision points of your life?

You have the power that the character of a story does not. He or she is a function of the plot. In this life, you drive the plot.

At any moment, you have the power to make a new decision point. You can re-direct the momentum of your life in a new and better direction. You can remake your life as you desire.

So what’s stopping you? What are you waiting for?

Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

Viktor Frankl

Life is built of our habits. Sometimes I wish I had different ones.

I do most of my blog writing for the month over one or two days and then all that I have to do is tweak and post the article each day.

As I was writing the other day, I noticed it was time for one of my favorite TV shows. Unthinking, I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV–writing instantly set aside.

The funny thing is that I could have different habits. I am the one in charge of what habits I implement in my life. Why don’t I?

Building a new habit requires two things–awareness of our programmed responses and the decision to take different action.

In order to change my habitual response in the illustration above, I just had to be alert and realize that I was reaching for the TV remote instead of continuing to focus on my writing. Once I recognized this pattern, I could choose to take different action.

In order to make lasting change through establishing new habits, I have to make the choice to do so. I have to discipline myself to choose my writing (in this case) over TV watching.

This shouldn’t be such a hard decision. Writing is definitely more productive. Writing is more demonstrative of my purpose. Writing contributes more value to my life and the lives of others.

Why is the choice so difficult? It is not. When I am ready to make a different choice, I will. Until then, I won’t.

But as soon as I am ready to change, the power is always in my hands to do so.

Yesterday, I wrote a post on my other blog called “What Makes You Come Alive?”

In that post, I discussed a visit this weekend to Frank Lloyd Wright’s house and studio, Taliesin.

The tour was fascinating from a historical standpoint. But I also learned some lessons in creative genius.  I talk about those in my post. In this post, I want to discuss a related topic: the impossible.

One of the beliefs that I hold to for myself is that we do not know what we are incapable of because we do not know what we are truly capable of. I talk about how I came to this belief in my book, An Imperceptible Spark.

We all believe that there are all sorts of things of which we are incapable of accomplishing. The truth is that we do not know what is impossible until we have dared to do what we have  never done.

I am often so afraid of doing what I’ve never done that it is easier to say, “I can’t do that,”  or “That’s impossible.” Until I face that fear, take responsibility for my life and attempt with courage, I can never know the impossible.

So far, I have never found what is impossible to me. I do know this…I’m going to continue dreaming and daring to do until I can no longer do. Only then will I know the limits of my potential to achieve.

What about you? What are you daring to do that you’ve  never done before? What can you commit to doing? Please share your insight in the comments section. I always learn so much from you.

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.

Viktor Frankl

Sometimes we miss the forest for the trees!

I posted about the Entrapments of Security recently and talked about how our addiction to security can oppress us.

This post talks about what may happen and what will be required once you start to look at your security as a prison.

Notice this:

A safe job ties you to a specific location and way of life. It generally requires that you spend your valuable life energy as dictated by someone other than yourself.

A safe retirement requires you to work for 40 years and save as much as you can in hopes that you can live the next 30-40 as you would like.

Think about this:

When we abdicate our own responsibility in any circumstance, we set ourselves up to be manipulated.

Relying on a government to provide subsistence necessitates dependence on that government. I’m not making a political statement, but an observation.

Relying on a significant other to show us our worth requires that another person quantify our value.

Take-away:

Self-sufficiency is who you are, not a state of being to which you attain. You are enough. You are good enough, strong enough, smart enough!  Taking responsibility for your actions is tough. Taking responsibility for your happiness is more difficult, but infinitely more rewarding!

Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.

Henry David Thoreau

I have determined in life to keep my own counsel of myself, my motives and my mission. And when another person’s estimation of me is greater than my own, I adopt it!

We all have dreams and visions of who and what we want to be.  Many of us get sidetracked because we are focused on a specific occupation or vocation (i.e., doctor, lawyer, firefighter, teacher, etc.) instead of on finding our natural abilities or talents.

What if we turned things around and focused on discovering our natural talents and then looked at the occupations that filled the requirements of our gifts?

My bet is that we would be much more happy pursuing our purpose when we had first aligned it with our natural abilities.

My friend Sherrie Koretke is a coach and blogger at The Niche Clarity Coach. She has been publishing a WONDERFUL series of articles on “natural gifts”.  You should read them all.  They will give you insight into yourself.  I have listed each post here below so you can find them easily.

Were You Born to Teach?
Were You Born to Lead?
Were You Born to Inspire?
Were You Born to Empower?
Were You Born To Motivate?
Were You Born to Dispense Joy?
Were You Born to Heal?

Did you see yourself in Sherrie’s posts?  What are your gifts?  Does your current occupation make use of these gifts? Share your thoughts and insights here in the comments. I look forward to the great discussion.

What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can.

Henry David Thoreau

Do what you know you cannot do.  This exercise will do wonders for your confidence!

I was having a conversation yesterday with a friend who’s weighing a major life change. He is paralyzed with fear.  He’s not happy in his current circumstances but they represent “safety” to him.

So, he’s second-guessing his intuition. He’s waffling back and forth with comments like, “I just don’t know” and “Do you think it’s smart to do… (fill-in-the-blank ) decision?”

This got me thinking about security and safety. We are told to get a secure job. We are told to avoid risk.

This is what I have realized.

1. Security imprisons us (with our own belief that we can control our environments and outcomes).

2. Security is an illusion we sell ourselves and others.

3. Security is really another name for “status quo” or “how we’ve always done it” or “how everyone else is doing it”.

What if we turned the idea of security on its head? What if we started thinking about security as something that handcuffs us?

When you find yourself leaning toward the easy road that is “stable” or “secure” or “safe,” ask yourself, how am I being imprisoned?

If you were living fearlessly would you still make the “safe” or “secure” decision? If not, reassess. Remember security is a facade that you have constructed to make your fear palatable to your unlimited, powerful spirit.

A human being is a deciding being.

Viktor Frankl

A few days ago, I wrote about the affect that “Straight Shooters” have in our lives.  That post stirred such a great conversation that I wanted to expand on it and perhaps inspire continued conversation on the subject.

Several of you commented on the importance of compassion when it comes to delivering straight-forward advice or criticism.

Here are a few of my thoughts on the importance of compassionate criticism.

1. (Nearly) everyone appreciates honest criticism.

(If there is something stuck in your teeth or there is toilet paper stuck in the back of your waistband, you want someone to tell you)

2. Motive is paramount.

• Why are you providing the criticism?
• Has it been solicited?
• Is it necessary?
• Will it help the other person or you? (Will it just allow you to get something “off your chest” or will it help the other person?)

3. How are you communicating it?

• Do you do this with empathy? (In the previous post, I’d mentioned the amazing Ash from The Middle Finger Project. She’s a master of this technique. Straightforward, even vulgar, delivery. The difference is empathy! Notice how she leads with a story from her own past before hammering home her point.)

It comes down to the old adage our mothers taught us: ”If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

I’d like to amend that a bit and say, If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t make something up just to be courteous. Say the right thing, in the right way–with empathy and compassion!

The conversation after my “rant” is always better and more enlightened, so I’m really looking forward to your input especially on this post.  Ready? Set? Go!

Man is the artificer of his own happiness.

Henry David Thoreau

You can refuse to believe, but it is true. Living happily…or not…you decide!

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.

Viktor Frankl

What is a Straight Shooter?

A straight shooter is an “honest and forthright” person (like, my friend, Ash at The Middle Finger Project).

I have a love-hate relationship with the Straight Shooters in my life.

I hate that they’re (mostly) always right, and they generally know it and don’t mind telling you!  But I (mostly) love them for the message they deliver (because it is generally right on target).

These are the Dr. Phil’s and Simon Cowell’s of the world. They tell us what we need to hear rather than what we want to hear.

I’m in a funk right now. I don’t feel like blogging. I don’t feel like working on my business. I don’t feel like doing anything.

I admit it. I’m a little bit touchy (hence the foul mood I’m in right now).

At the same time, without the direct challenge that the Straight Shooter brings, I often wouldn’t be jarred enough from my own “big picture” land to take the concrete, focused steps it takes to attain success.

So, although Sassy Straight Shooters suck, I love them and really value their impact in my life. I know without their influence, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Who are the Straight Shooters in your life?  Give them a shout out in the comment section below. And please be kind and share this post on FB or tweet it.

How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book.

Henry David Thoreau

The books you read and the people with whom you associate determine the ascent of your quality of life.

One’s ability to communicate effectively directly impacts the quality of one’s relationships and, consequently, one’s life experience.

The challenge with communication and the relationships in our lives is not just the importance of our ability to communicate our intentions and desires, but the importance of being able to hear what those in relationship with us are communicating to us as well.

Evie at One Insight Closer has invited me to share my insights and experience at her blog.

Go here to read my guest post entitled: “Best Practices” for Communication in Relationship.

Appreciate your support and comments there!

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor Frankl

Changes on the Way

This is just a quick post about some minor changes coming to Karmic Kappuccino.

We’ve been at this for about 3 months now, and I’m SO thankful for those of you that have made this endeavor so rewarding. I value your time in commenting and sharing my posts.

A week or so ago, I asked you for your feedback on what you liked (or wanted to see changed) about the blog here.

Posting Schedule Adjustments

Based on that discussion, I am going to change my posting schedule subtly.

I will still post each weekday; however, starting next week, I will only post articles on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I will post inspirational quotes that I have come across during the week.

This will allow readers to absorb more of the content, but on MWF, still get a quick inspiring quote.

Please feel free to add additional insights or opinions in the comments section below.

All of life is an incredible journey. It is a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-worth. Most of us live life as if we are just “along for the ride,” instead of actively participating in the creation of our own experience.

In the Broadway musical Wicked, Elphaba, the wicked witch sings…

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same.
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.
Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep.
It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes,  and leap!

Yesterday, a friend confronted me about the book I just published. (link to my book launch site) It has taken me nearly three years from start to finish, but I am super  proud of my accomplishment.

When I started, I knew nothing about writing or publishing a book. Now, I know how NOT to write one. Along this journey, I have made mistakes and learned to be more effective.

My friend was confronting me about why I hadn’t yet sold many books. He was challenging my ability to market the book and questioning my dream. He had always been a staunch supporter of the project and this was the first time he questioned it.

I felt small. For just a moment.

Self-Discovery

Then the moment of self-discovery happened!  I thought back three years ago and remembered that I knew nothing about writing or producing a book, yet I had done it.

Something was different within me. I believed in my dream so emphatically that my friend’s disbelief could not sway my own confidence.

Self-Acceptance

I knew that I had done it once. I had achieved a major milestone and I knew that I could do it again. I had learned what I needed to learn as I wrote the book. I could learn what I needed to learn to market it.

Self-Worth

This is the magical part of the “Incredible Journey” of life. When I realized that I valued my opinion of my dream more than I valued someone else’s opinion of my dream, I knew that something had shifted.

It was not always this way for me. By default, I used to value the opinions and critiques of others over my own. I had no confidence.

Somewhere in the process of doing what I did not know how to do, I gained deep confidence. That realization was rewarding and in that moment, the criticism was silenced, for I knew I would never be the same.

Our beliefs are hard to change. People get really riled up when you challenge their beliefs.

I live near Madison, Wisconsin, a city which recently was embroiled in virulent debate between public worker unions and the governing administration of the State. (Before you run away, this is NOT a political blog/post).

This is just a recent, vivid example of how animated people can become when they feel their beliefs are questioned and challenged.

I have a different perspective. I think a challenge to my beliefs is good. I recognize the difference between my opinions, my prejudices and my beliefs. I try not to become identified with any of them. They are what they are.

If you have different beliefs, opinions and prejudices, those are what they are. I am not diminished because you are different from me. I am enriched if I am conscious enough to value our differences.

When I can let go of the need for my opinions and beliefs to be acknowledged, recognized or affirmed, I am liberated to be me–truly me.