This past weekend was a holiday weekend in the States.  I kinda slacked off in my posting, and now I am working to get back on track.

The truth, though, is that I feel like I am kinda drifting. I should be taking my own advice, but I’m not. I should know what I’m doing, but I don’t. Instead, I feel a bit paralyzed by fear of all the things I should be doing, thinking, saying, etc.

The Tyranny of Expectations

I never realized how ingrained expectations have become in my life.  I find that everything I do comes with an attached “supposed to…”

Perhaps you can relate.

Supposed to…go to college.

Supposed to…get a good (stable) job.

Supposed to…save for retirement.

Supposed to…get married.

OR

This is how you’re supposed to write a successful blog.

This is how you’re supposed to market your business.

This is how you’re supposed to live your life.

The list of expectations goes on and on.

The Renegade Resistance

But you and I are renegades from the status quo. We push back. We question. We expect more.

I remember clearly when I drew my line in the sand. My mom was worried that I would fail in a business venture that I had undertaken, and so she warned me to be careful.

“You need to do something stable and find yourself,”  she said.

It was then I told her that I would probably never have a “normal life.”

“What if you fail?” she asked, her eyes filled with fear.

“I will try again…and again…and again,” I told her. “You never know when your next idea will be the next Twitter or Apple or YouTube.”

The Renegade’s Gift

Just as I was getting all worked up and stressed out about what I should be doing that I was supposed to be doing, I remembered the Renegade’s Gift.

This gift is for each of us who choose to chart our own course and dance to the music of our own song. The gift is that the “supposed to’s” become commentary on the lives of those who choose the normal path.

The “normal” life is not necessarily bad or wrong…but it is wrong for me (and for you).

I have a friend who has a good job he enjoys. He has a good social life and is very secure and stable. He is content with his life as it is and has no ambition to rock the boat.

That is okay…for him, but not for me. That is the beauty of life. We each get to choose exactly what we want it to be.

Trading the Stress

So I am deciding to trade in the stress of the expectations and “supposed to’s.”

I am crafting my unconventional life. I am creating the experience I want to live. I am doing things differently, and that is okay.

I invite you to join me. It is my personal mission to live life well, and I want the same for you. Over the coming months, I will be articulating what this means more clearly and encouraging you to clarify what a life “well-lived” means for you (and more importantly, identify the actions to take to create such a life).

There is no “right” way to do this, since I am creating it as I go, so you will be in on all the ups (and probably some downs). You’ll share my successes, and laugh with me at the “duds”.

But I promise you this: we will learn, we will grow and we will live an extraordinary life in the mean time!

So whatdya say? Shall we get started?

Your Opportunity

If you get these posts by e-mail, I don’t want to abuse your kindness and fill your mailbox with messages from me in which you are not interested.

If, however, you are on the edge and ready to take the plunge, or if you have already taken the plunge and can use the extra support, join the Renegade Band.

I’m going to be working hard (with your help) before the end of the year to create some awesome resources and support systems that will help you on your journey, so please pass on anything that will help you live the life you dream of living (chances are, it will help someone else too).

I’ll keep you updated on ways we can support one another and also provide you with helpful resources. As always, I will respect your e-mail privacy and will never spam you or share your e-mail address with others.

What Are Your Expectations?

Once in a while, life just explodes and all the good stuff overwhelms you.

Usually, that’s when your gut clenches with anxiety and you have thoughts like:

This is just too good to be true.

This can’t last forever.

When I started dating the Better Half (BH), things seemed to be doing well, but we had both come out of tumultuous prior relationships.

Life was handing us the good stuff, but that’s when the BH admitted, “I’m just wondering what I’m going to do to eff this up.”

Fortunately, it has been over three years and we are beyond those early days of insecurity and fear, but this experience is a good picture of what we all tend to do when life gets good.

1. We Get Fearful

2. We Expect the Worst.

Watch Your Expectations

Your expectations will lead you to your outcomes.  Be careful what you expect from life, it will generally give you what you expect of it.

Today, I’m blogging at my friend Melody’s blog, Deliberate Receiving.  Please take a minute to check out my article about what to do when life gives you everything you want.

We all spend our lives fantasizing and dreaming about what we want, but then when those things show up, we get paralyzed and sometimes sabotage the good.

Drawing a Blank

I didn’t know what to write today. (That’s why this post is publishing in the middle of the day).

I have been writing lots of guest posts for other bloggers recenly, but then when I sat down to write for Karmic Kappuccino, I drew a blank.

Hate when that happens!

Why was it easy for me to write for other blogs, yet struggle with writing for my own?

The answer?

The reason that you struggle with direction in your life, or the reason that you struggle with knowing which direction to take is always clarity!

It’s so simple, and yet that is why it can be so frustrating.

My Mistake

For the past several weeks I have been struggling (internally) with my mission with Karmic Kappuccino. Why?

Clarity, of course.

I launched this site as a “daily shot of inspiration”.

Who did I want to reach? What did I want to say to them? Why would they care? I did not have real answers.

I even wrote and published An Imperceptible Spark  without sufficient clarity.

Why We Fear Getting Clear

This weekend, I was sitting at dinner with my better half when it happened. The question was asked and hung suspended in the air, like Neo from a scene in the Matrix. 

What did you plan to do with your book once it was written?

Time caught up.

WHACK!

It felt like I’d been sucker punched in slow motion. Instantly I was my shy, insecure, 8 year-old self again. I felt scared.  I didn’t want to look stupid.

I don’t know. I can’t believe it. What do I say? My mind raced

The truth.

“I didn’t really have a plan,” I admitted, “at least not a good enough one.

Ahh…Clarity!

It’s what’s missing.

What have you been struggling with? Be brave and get clear about it.  It will definitely take hard work. You will need guts and determination. Do it anyway.

You are a secret renegade, and you are a winner. What choice do you have?

Let It Go!

Today I learned a valuable lesson from Bernadette Jiwa and Tara Gentile. (you really need to check out their video)

 Don’t hold anything to be too precious…(it’s) all about iterating.
Hold on to your mission. Hold on to your purpose.
Hold on to your why, and let everything else go.  - Tara Gentile

What a relief!

If you haven’t had clarity until now (or if you still lack it), that’s okay.

Work to bring greater clarity to your purpose and your work. As you do, remember that there are no sacred cows. You can let everything go.

Sing Your Soul’s Song!

When a singer trains, he or she must learn to release the tension in the throat, solar plexus and entire body in order to sing well.

It’s okay to release everything–all your tension, worries, insecurities–in order to sing your soul’s song!

We are waiting breathlessly–expectantly–for you to lift us up and let us soar with you.

I hear the view is great and I can’t wait to see what you see! (Please don’t keep us waiting long.)

Image: Gloire

A few years ago, I spent the July 4th holiday (US Independence Day) with family on the lake.

We pulled the boat into a lagoon to swim, but the anchor was not heavy enough to hold the boat in place. Consequently, the boat “bobbed” on the water surface as the waves passed and the anchor “jumped” along the bottom of the lake.

The purpose of the anchor on a boat is to keep it from moving forward.  Sometimes we anchor our lives with all sorts of ineffective beliefs and emotions that hold us back.

What’s Holding You Back?

Sometimes it is really easy to answer this question with superficial response.

“Fear of failure,” we say.  Or, “fear of what others will think.”

These are valid fears, but I have found that even when I recognize my fears, it takes real work to mine down far enough to find what is really keeping me from moving forward.

Keys For Moving Forward

1. Identify the Anchor – call it out. This takes a lot of introspection and quiet time, but you must do it. Take the time to quiet your space and your mind and hone in on what paralyzes you.

2. Create a Different Vision – Notice how you are envisioning your life now and consciously create a new vision for your life going forward.

3. Focus on Belief – What do you believe about your life and the obstacles you face? You must confront these beliefs and change them.

The work is not easy. But that’s the good news!  Most people won’t do the work it takes to be great.

You will.  Then, when they laud you and admire what you have accomplished, you will stand tall.

When they say, “I wish I had your luck,” you’ll simply smile as you remember the twists and turns it took to get to the mountaintop.

Questions For Discussion:

So what about you?

What’s is holding you back?

Better yet, what are you believing about what is holding you back?

(That’s probably where the real obstacle lies anyway)

Please share your thoughts and insights in the comments.  Would also appreciate it if you would share on FB, Twitter, G+ and Stumble this post.

Image Attribution

Sometimes when you’re out on the edge it can feel like you’re actually out on a ledge. There is a difference…

On The Edge

Life at the Edge is one of power and control. You may still feel the terror of uncertainty, but when you are on the Edge you are self-determinate.

This is where the “leapsters” (those who make taking a leap of faith a habit) hang out. The energy and enthusiasm are high out on the Edge.

On The Ledge

Someone who is out on the Ledge, is “back against a wall.”

They see no other way out. Life has pushed them to the edge–of breaking–and they tenuously balance on the Ledge to keep from falling into the unknown.

Life on the Edge vs. the Ledge

Life on the Edge is characterized by the forward momentum of the pending leap. Life on the Ledge is characterized by a paralyzing fear of the unknown.

Life on the Edge calls us to embrace uncertainty and leap into the unknown. Life on the Ledge causes us to resist uncertainty and grip what is behind in order not to fall away from what is familiar.

The Takeaway

The cool thing is that if you’re on the Ledge, you can choose to move onto the Edge at any moment.

If you’re on the Edge already, what are you waiting for? Jump!

Questions for Conversation:

Are you on the Ledge or the Edge?

If you are on the Ledge, how can you move to the Edge?

If you are on the Edge, what keeps you from leaping?

If you have leaped, trust yourself. It’s called a leap of faith for a reason!

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Most people hopscotch through life.

Sometimes we dare to take a little skip or a small hop.

If you’re going to jump, why not LEAP?

And if you’re going to leap, why not take an “all-in”, big, fat, balsy, flying leap?

Jump Already!

20% might jump. Maybe 10% will take a leap. 1% will take a flying leap.

Now’s your time to decide.  Be the 1%.

Take the Plunge!

Ready? Take a deep breath.

Back up from the edge so you can get a running head start.

Go! Don’t hold back!

Leap!

Look at you now.

See? Your heart rate is back to normal.

Check out the view.  Amazing, huh?

Feel that? It’s called freedom!

Yep, that’s right. It’s all you, baby.

And you are soaring! (told you it’s worth it)

Questions for Conversation:

1. What’s holding you up? (it’s fear, no matter what you call it, btw)

2. Will the fear still be there if you do jump?

3. Why not go for it? (any variation of “can’t” isn’t the right answer to this question)

And finally…one question, four words.

What will you do?

It’s the only one that matters anyway.

There is a horrible addiction that enslaves us all.

It is an addiction to getting.

Getting is like a drug. We chase it as if our lives depend on it. We get education, positions, and power. We chase goals and guidelines and to-do lists.

Constantly chasing the next “hit” from the newest accolade or recognition, we become manic in our attempt to fill the emptiness of our spirits with activity.

Summa Cum Laude. Ahhh!

Employee of the Month.  Yes!

Salesperson of the Year.  Oh, yeah!

The hit is delivered and the urge to use subsides…for now.

Getting…is an addictive, one-sided act by which we try
to fill our emptiness by having life come to us.
- Mark Nepo
from The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life.

Getting is selfish. We think that life will not come to us on its own accord and so we must induce it to come (by setting goals, filling quotas, and filling forecasts).

I realized that my addiction to “getting” (blog readers/book sales/speaking gigs) is driven by my fear of what I think is missing. What about you?

Check-in at the Methadone Clinic

I used to work in a hospital that had a Methadone clinic which treated patients who had become addicted to pain medication.  Methadone is a synthetic pain reliever that is used (among other things) to help patients through the detox process.

Now, I wouldn’t throw you into detox without some guidance, so here’s your “Methadone.”

The flow of life energy is based upon the natural process of giving and receiving.

Once you free yourself of the addiction of getting and embrace the process of giving and receiving, you will find that all the other things you were so busy trying to get come to you naturally by the process of receiving.

When you abandon the “getting” grind and calm your soul, you will find that you are able to give and receive naturally.

As long as you remain in the hamster-wheel of chasing the “hit,” you hold yourself suspended from the ability to receive what you truly desire.

Freedom from the Addiction

How can we break free from the addiction?

Suspend the need.

What if you suspended the need to be or do anything that all the obsessive “getting” is driving you to be or do?

Do you feel that? Is your heart racing, yet? Do you feel your breathing speeding up and getting more shallow?

Chill out!  *slaps your face*

That is just drama and you’re the queen of the castle!

Get a hold of yourself!

Just remember…you are an addict, but you can defeat this by remembering and embracing the natural state of giving and receiving.

Remember this final advice from The Exquisite Risk

When alone and out of touch with all that matters,
give your attention to anything, quickly and fully,
and the Universe, which has always been near,
will come rushing back to fill you.

Image: renjith krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ugh!?!

There’s a rattling in the engine.

Or, the car dips to one side and swerves with a “thunk-thu-thunk” sound as it slows to a stop on the side of the road.

Remember the last time you were stranded on the road.

Were you angry? Frustrated? Fearful?

We have all been there and it sucks!

Sidelined on the Highway of Life

Sometimes when we pursue our dreams, we end up on the side of the road of life. You courageously embrace your dream and jump into the unknown. You take the risk that everyone warns you not to take.

At first, you are filled with euphoria. Birds chirp. The sun shines brightly and clouds seem to split wherever you appear.

Then you hit an unexpected bump, the tire deflates and you find yourself standing by your dream on the side of life’s highway.

Do you become angry? Frustrated? Fearful?

Moving Off the Sideline

How you respond to the detour determines your future.

Heady stuff? Absolutely!

Yes, I believe that life is what you make it, but you also have to face things as they are.

You can’t afford to allow your deeper vocation (calling) to be shaken by external circumstances.

1. You Gotta Keep Moving, Don’t Wallow in the Drama

When you find yourself sidelined on the highway of life, you have to keep moving. Yes, of course, take the time to replace the tire or repair the engine, but then get moving again.

Don’t let momentum die with your adverse circumstances. That is how most people respond to the adversity of life, but you are not “most people.”

2. Bumps in the Road Aren’t About You (so don’t make it personal)!

Acknowledge what has happened, but don’t give it undue merit. Adverse circumstances may come to you, but resist the temptation to dwell in the drama.  It’s okay recognize and acknowledge what has happened, but don’t make it personal by saying things like “that’s just my luck” or “things like this always happen to me.”

That’s bullsh*t! “Stuff” happens to everyone. That’s life.

The incident has nothing to do with you; your reaction to it has everything to do with you. 

The incident is a reflection of life and your thoughts up until that point, but it does not define your future. It is a reflection of your past. Don’t dwell on it.  Let it be, and let it flow through your experience.  Always remember that circumstances are fluid.

Your thoughts now are creating your future, so don’t allow yourself to wallow in negativity. Keep the momentum going and keep your eye on the prize.  The current circumstances in which you find yourself have nothing to do with your destination. They are merely bumps on the road.

Don’t Fear the Detours

Detours will happen in life. That’s okay. Don’t make them “bad,” instead, recognize that they are just a re-direction. You are still headed in the right direction. Trust the destination, and you will find the strength to face life’s uncertainties.

Big dreams require big focus and extraordinary courage.

I embraced a big dream (for me, it seemed huge at the time) of writing and publishing my first book.  I achieved that dream, but then hit the “what next?” phase as I began to market the book.

I have had to really look down inside myself to clarify my message and my purpose. I have had to face my weaknesses and grow. You guys have been here for the ride and I hope you’ll continue with me.

Be Willing to Hitch A Ride

Recently, though, I have found myself on the side of the highway of life again, with my thumb extended, trying to hitch a ride for me and my dream!

Over the next few months, I’ll be working a temporary/seasonal job as I continue to hone my blogging skills and build a stronger and more-profitable speaking and writing business.

At first, it seems kinda scary to “go back” into the work force. I don’t know why, but there’s some shame of not being able to “make it” to immediate and unquestioned success, financially.  It’s maybe a bit embarrassing to be “hitchhiking” with a traditional job.

The cool thing is that I am even more sure of my dream and I am even more committed to my purpose than I knew I was, however. I am absolutely sure that giving hope and helping others to live well is exactly what I am meant to do.

This realization gives me great courage and great strength as I continue down this path…by way of a bit of detour, but ultimately, headed in the right direction!

Questions for Conversation:

What about you?

When have you faced “detours” in life, have you struggled with embarrassment when you had to “re-set”?

Do you tend to beat yourself up when you fail to meet your dreams exactly as you plan?

Have you been able to continue in the right direction despite these feelings?

How did things turn out in the long run?

Let’s chat about it.

Image: pakorn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As children, we are taught not to fall. When we start to walk, we are encouraged to “be careful and not fall.”

When we learn to ride a bike, we depend on training wheels so we do not fall while we are learning to balance on two wheels.

All around us are safety nets–societal and self-constructed–which protect us from falling.

Protected from Potential

What are we really protected from when we are kept from falling? What would happen if we fell more?

It doesn’t matter how our falling down is brought about,
it almost always offers us an opportunity for transformation

-Mark Nepo  

The most powerful transformation follows the most dramatic fall.

Are you fallen? Are you bruised? Have you been trampled?

Remember how a majestic oak rising tall and strong toward heaven, once fell an acorn to the soil.

Grapes, ripe, fall and are trampled, rising wine to quench thirst and make hearts merry.

Rose petals fall bruised and are crushed and rise a potent fragrance.

The seed of your greatest moment may lie in where and how you have fallen.

The phoenix falls and is reborn from the ashes of the flame that consumes it.

Questions for Conversation:

How have the “falls” you have taken precipitated the transformation that you have experienced in your life?

Has a significant fall led to unexpected success?

If a fall has left you deflated, how can you embrace the fall and rise, transformed?

I would love to chat with you about your experiences.

Image: Mindy McGregor / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Most of us are familiar with the expression Carpe Diem…Seize the Day…but most of us have no idea where it came from.

When we put it in context, we better understand the meaning of the expression.

Carpe is Latin (which you probably know) meaning to “seize, pluck or gather”.

This expression comes from a longer passage from the poet, Horace. Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – “Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future.”

Jesus said it another way, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.” Matthew 6:34

This morning I read the following passage from Mark Nepo’s The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life.

Our job as human beings, then, is to be born again each instant
and to die again each instant.

Are you so busy seizing the future that you’re losing today? If so, I would remind you of the second half of the expression and encourage you to seize each moment. Enjoy each second and squeeze from it all the life you can!